


Brokenly Twisted

by ThetaWolfe



Category: Naruto
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Animal Traits, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Instability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sharing a Bed, Time Travel, Torture, graphic depictions of death, possible underage
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-05-05 19:17:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 43,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5387285
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThetaWolfe/pseuds/ThetaWolfe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Konoha was gone. Everyone was dead. Naruto was dying. Kurama was left with no other choice. Waking up in his twelve year old body, extra appendages was just one of the many new surprises awaiting Naruto's future. Cross Posted on FFN</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Termini

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do not fall in love with people like me. I will take you to museums, and parks, and monuments, and kiss you in every beautiful place, so that you can never go back to them without tasting me like blood in your mouth. I will destroy you in the most beautiful way possible. And when I leave you will finally understand, why storms are named after people.” –Caitlyn Siehl

Pain was such a relative thing, a scale on which only the experienced could define.  Before that day, Naruto had thought he had known his scale like one would a lover.  He knew his limits, knew just how much could enhance pleasure and how much would break him.  Naruto understood his threshold limit and today it had been truly shattered.

Madara was skilled in the art of pain and Naruto was his canvas.  The Uchiha introduced the young man to levels not even he could have imagined.  He was slow and careful, taking his time as he exposed Naruto to his boundary and then shoving the man over and beyond it.  It took weeks, but Madara was patient, methodical almost.  And as each day passed he pressed the jinchuuriki’s breaking point further and further.

He had stopped screaming long ago, laying in a daze upon the altar, mouth open and panting as his insides boiled, bones cracked, and flesh melted.  Tears of blood left rivers down his cheeks unheeded as his body regenerated a fraction slower than the damage inflicted, just enough to keep him alive.  Mindless from the agony, Naruto could do nothing more than lay there as the process repeated in an everlasting loop.

The bijuu’s red tainted chakra flowed from his pores, killing him from the inside out and repairing him nearly as quickly as each tail was extracted from him.  Naruto could not even flee to the sewers of his mind as Kurama’s roars of agony filled the very air, walls trembling as water surged.  There was no escape, no end to the torment.

Claws grew from skinless fingers, the agony unbearable and yet unescapable.  A part of him relished in it, biting through his regrown lip with sharpened teeth, believing he deserved the pain.  No matter what happened –what was done to him, was being done to him– it could never atone for what he allowed, what his failures had let come to pass.

The pain was deserved because he had _failed_.

They were all gone, every one.  Every person he had fought to protect, every single one of his precious people were gone ­ _–dead­–_ and it was his fault.

_-Your fault, broken bodies upon broken pyres.  Screams singing like lullabies in the night.  Gone, shapeless wind, words and promises like sand through fingers.  Whispers “your fault” red moon of blood, oceans filled with it.-_

The stone beneath him was coarse, wet with his own blood and fluids.  Particles of grit sticking within regrown flesh.  The room was dark, faceless figures surrounding the seal upon the floor, the altar in the middle within a puddle of melted flesh and torrid blood.  The torches upon the wall flickered, the flames pulled to the man as red fractured, overcoming all other color.  His body seized upwards, chains holding him down as his back arched, another tail leaving him to be sucked into the mouth of the demonic nine-eyed statue.

Eight of its eyes were already opened, the ninth nearly complete as it absorbed the eighth tail from the kyuubi.  Soon it would be over, and even though Naruto knew that it would mean the death of him and everything that he had fought to protect, part of him was looking forward to the end.  Death meant no more pain, no more having to fight for a lost cause.  He was tired of going through the motions because there simply was _nothing_ else left.

Death meant he would finally be able to see his precious people again.

_-Back turned, blonde hair a cascade. “Baa-chan?” Turn, fingers limp around metal. “What is that?” Light on metal, flashing. “Tsunade, please, put it down.”_

_“What’s left,” voice worn, age old, exhaustion. “It’s all gone…what’s left when it is all gone?”_

_“Baa-chan, please don’t.” Desperate, hesitant steps forward. Blade raised, sharp edged, worn handle. “I’m left!” Screams desperate, hesitant pause, blade halted. “Please! I need you!”_

_Tears cascading down worn face, rivers of sorrow. “I’m sorry,” whispers, useless words on wind. Blade drops, flesh pierced and dragged, stomach open, kneeling pool of blood._

_“Baa-chan!”_

_“Do you think I’ll see them again?” Quiet, trees creaked in cold wind. “I want to see them again.”_

_“Don’t leave me…” Bloodless hands clinging to bloodless body.-_

A small part of him rebelled at giving up, screaming at him that he could not quit, they could never give up because that was his nindo, his promise.  But it was such a tiny part of him.  The rest just wanted it all to end.

_Do you think I’ll see them again?_

The room began to shake as the final tail emerged, the stone trembling as the statue’s mouth opened wider.  Fractures started to crawl up the cave wall and splintered apart like a spider’s web upon the ceiling.

Kurama raged against the pull, claws digging into the very walls of Naruto’s mind as progressively more of him was drawn into the statue.  He bided his time, becoming weaker with each passing second as he waited for the opportune moment to fight back.  With such a small window his timing had to be perfect.  The kyuubi dare not think upon the consequences of his failure…he dare not think upon the consequences of his success either.

He readied himself, preparing his mind and body as the moment was almost upon him.  There were only seconds for him to enact, and as that moment came upon him, Kurama silently begged forgiveness of his companion.  Words -dark and ancient- filled the cavern, pouring from the mouth of the jinchuuriki with a layered echo voice that was not his.  They destroyed his vocal cords, burning and tearing, words not meant to be spoken by mortals.

The circle around him broke, the cloaked figures fleeing as the statue cracked, the ninth eye closing as the bijuu was pulled back into the man.  Madara was enraged as he was dragged from the cave. The red chakra swirled, plunging into the jinchuuriki’s stomach, scorching and eating away at his skin as his mindscape buckled under the onslaught like the cavern around them.

The chakra surged through Naruto, contaminating his very being as the world crumbled.  Kurama laid his weary head down upon the red water, tainted like blood and boiling as the world turned into nothing and time itself stopped.  There was a moment of stillness, seconds of tranquility before everything pulled back into itself.  The very heavens trembled as time became unwritten.

The broken man had simply wanted it all to end, for everything to finally be over and Kurama knew Naruto would never forgive him for what he had done.

0~Page_Break~0

It was the alarm that awoke him, screeching like a dying cat in the otherwise silent apartment.  His hand flew out of the covers, crashing onto the frog clock and breaking it into tiny irreparable pieces.  Silence once again filled the room and Naruto pulled the comforter over his head to relish in the warmth.  Naruto never was a morning person, his brain slow to awaken and even slower start.  He had nearly fallen back asleep before the wrongness of the situation finally penetrated his sluggish mind.

The covers flew from the bed Naruto launched himself into a fighting position, the leg of his blue pajamas twisted up to his knee and penguin cap flopping over one eye.  He ripped it from his head, blue eyes darting to every shadow as he searched for anything out of place. 

 _Everything_ was out of place.

Heart beating a staccato in his ribcage, he gazed upon the cap in his hand, claws tearing into the soft fabric.  He dropped it, startled, breath coming in harsh pants as black tendrils started to creep into his vision.

 **“Calm,”** a voice said, echoing not in his ears but his mind.  It took a moment before Naruto was able to place the exhausted tone as Kurama’s.  He tried to do as told, but the sight before him was overwhelming.  He stood in his apartment that no longer existed in a city that had been destroyed.  Only a crater marked the place that Konoha had once proudly stood.  **“Come to me.”**

Naruto could do nothing but obey.  He closed his eyes, shutting out the impossible image as he forced his body to relax and breathing to regulate.  Moments later he was plunged into his mindscape, crashing into the blood colored water.  He blinked in surprise, confusion twisting his face as he took in the unfamiliar sight.

The water should have been blue and cold, the walls stained but whole.  This mindscape was unfamiliar to him.  The water was stained red, hot and nearly boiling as he sloshed his way further down the tunnels.  The walls were corroded, cracked, and crumbling.  Spider webbed fractures leaking red liquid.

The path to the kyuubi was familiar but the sight was not.  It gave him the feeling of unease that settled like a rock in the pit of his stomach.  When he reached the room that housed Kurama he blinked in surprise at the sight.  The bijuu lay unmoving upon the floor, waves of red chakra pulsating off of him, evaporating the red water before it could touch his fur.  The sizzle of steam almost drowned out the deep breaths of the giant fox demon.

It had been many years since he had released the bijuu from its prison, the doors open but still present if he ever was in need of sealing the kyuubi once more.  Now the bars that was used to cage the beast were melted into the wall, some parts still orange and dripping liquid metal onto the floor.

“Kurama?” Naruto whispered hesitantly, approaching the beast with cautious steps.

A red eye cracked open, taking in the tiny figure of its companion.  One ear twitched, the end brushing the floor as it drooped.  It looked completely exhausted, muscles twitching in fatigue and chest raising in quick succession as it panted tiredly.

“Kurama?” Naruto tried again, trembling hand reaching to stroke the heated fur upon a quivering cheek.  His fingers twitched before settling, the heat just barely on the side of tolerable.  The red eye rolled towards him, the slit pupil contracting as it brought the boy into focus.  “What’s going on,” he asked hesitantly, taking several hurried steps back.

The giant eye followed his movements as Naruto shifted nervously.  Aside from the occasional fist bump when sharing chakra, they never really had physical contact with each other.  Naruto was unsure what had made him touch the bijuu, but he had had the sudden urge to do so.  It was unnerving.

Kurama’s lip twitched as if reading the boy’s thoughts, though he did not comment upon it.  Naruto was unsure whether to be thankful for the beast overlooking his strange actions or annoyed that the kyuubi decided not to explain them.

 **“I am sorry, brat,”** the words came heavy, pressing upon him like a physical entity.  **“This was the only solution.”**

Naruto blinked at him, clawed fingers digging into his shirt.  “Kurama,” he whispered, gaze riveted upon the dry floor as the pulses of heated chakra washed over him.  It turned the air nearly sweltering, so hot that he began to sweat.  “What,” he swallowed, voice catching in the thick heat.  “What did you do?”

He kept his blue eyes submissively upon the ground, but the words were laced with accusation, tone bordering on desperate.  Kurama blinked at him, unaffected by such emotion.  **“I did what I had too, what had to be done.”**

Blue eyes finally darted up to him, hesitant at first before they finally caught his gaze and held it.  “What did you _do_?”

Kurama huffed at him, breath so hot that Naruto could feel his skin beginning to burn as if he had stood too long in the sun.  **“That damned human was killing you, he was going to enslave me and destroy what ever was left of this world.  I did what I had to do to ensure your survival and my freedom,”** the beast chided, voice mocking as Naruto looked away in shame at the reminder of how he had given up.  They both knew that the boy had been welcoming death, wishing for it almost.  **“I brought us back.”**

“What do you mean ‘brought us back’?” Naruto asked, teeth gritting as he physically stopped himself from approaching the bijuu.  He had the sudden urge to crawl between the giant paws and cuddle into the orange furred chest.  Instead he stomped out that urge as best he could and took another step back, heels inches from the water, as if to prove that he was unaffected.

Kurama snorted in amusement at the action, perfectly aware of what was happening to the boy and why.  **“I made history unwritten, I tore a hole through time itself and dragged you back to the beginning,”** his voice was thick with pride at his accomplishment even as his eyes darted away in what Naruto almost thought was guilt.  **“The past is yours.  You can change everything…or nothing.  The choice is up to you.”**

“The past…” he whispered, eyes darting around the nearly destroyed room.  His gaze followed the tendrils of steam as the kyuubi’s chakra evaporated the blood water, mind trying to wrap around what was being told to him.  “I don’t think I can-” he cut himself off, ashamed at his willingness to give up.  But the thought of going through all of it again was too much.

“Please,” he begged, voice soft and twisted with desperation.  “Please don’t make me do it again.  I can’t…I _can’t_ do it again, I won’t watch them die.  Not again.”

 **“Then _change_ it!”** The beast snapped, tone harsh but eyes soft as he fought not to let his pity show as the boy flinched.  **“It does not have to be the same,”** he added softly.  Kurama gazed upon the broken boy with sadness as the once strong being seemed to almost huddle into himself, fingers twisting into his shirt as his head hung low.  

 **“There is another thing that you must be made aware of,”** he continued after a long moment of silence.  Kurama waited patiently until the broken blue eyes finally looked up at him.  **“The technique I used to bring us here could only work if I condensed my youki within you all at the exact same moment.  The human body was never meant to hold so much demonic chakra.  I had to alter you in order to ensure your survival.”**

“Alter how?” Naruto asked hesitantly after a long moment of silence.  His only reply was for Kurama to expel him from his mindscape.

Moments later he was opening his eyes and taking in the impossible room within the impossible village.  He stood there for a long moment, just looking, trying to wrap his mind around the situation.  It took several long minutes before he made his way to the bathroom and brought his gaze to his reflection in the mirror.

Naruto was unsure how long he stood there, gaze fixated on his reflection, but the shadows had crept steadily across the floor to stretch upon the walls by the time he tore himself away.  The mirror shattered under a clawed fist, tiny cracks thin as silk splintering upon the reflective surface.  It was not him, that thing in the mirror…it could _not_ be him.

He was young, younger than he truly ever remembered being.  Short, but lithe, compact body within a youthful appearance, more delicate in appearance.  He looked more like his mother now than he ever did his father. 

Two yellow fox ears, ends dipped red like blood, were pressed flat against his blonde hair, streaks of red breaking the colors apart.  His slit pupils contracting within cerulean blue orbs, a clear membrane sliding over his eyes as he blinked.  The whisker marks on his cheeks were darker, elongated with sharp incisors giving him a more feral look.

Movement out of the corner of his eye had him glancing behind before his whole demeanor slumped in defeat, a golden tail of fur and fluff waved dejectedly behind him, the red tip tucking against his leg.  Something in his chest caught, shoulders pulling up and shaking as he fought down the hysterical feeling clawing a path up his throat. 

A chuffing sound that he heard but did not exist grabbed his attention before the panic could set in.  **“Brat…”** Kurama’s tone was almost soft.  **“You are going to be la-”**

“What did you _do_?” Naruto hissed, eyes riveted on the tiny reflective shards littering the floor.  “I’m a-what am I?”

 **“Hanyou,”** he replied, voice devoid of sympathy.  **“A half demon**. **”**

“Why…why would you-” he stopped himself, the question redundant.  He already knew why.  Kurama was a living creature, selfish in its want to continue on like all living things.  The kyuubi would have survived the extraction, but it would have been a slave, a puppet with a master scripting all of his lines. 

The bijuu had done much worse to retain its freedom before, this was a minor thing in comparison.

 **“You are going to be late,”** Kurama reminded him gently.

Naruto moved slowly, limbs jerky and disjointed as if he had been sedated.  The closet was full of the orange jumpsuits he vaguely remembered being so fond of years ago.  It felt like a lifetime between then and now, almost as if he was experiencing the memories of somebody completely different.  He had not exactly been the happiest of children, but his current reality and this lie that he had been dropped into were a kaleidoscope of differences.

Movements almost methodical -as if on autopilot- he got himself ready for the day.  Ripping a hole in his pants for his tail, he spent longer pulling his sanity into place than he did his clothes but he refused to think upon it…could not afford to think upon it.

_Please, gods…don’t be real._

Making his way to the window, Naruto almost leapt out before Kurama delicately reminded him to place a henge upon himself.  He paused there, one foot upon the sill and he imagined for a moment what the consequences would be if he went outside just as he was.  The thoughts were not kind, the realization of how the village he loved so much would react were even less so.  He would not survive the day.

Pulling himself back into the room, he concentrated for a long moment, trying to remember what he had looked like back when his village was whole and his precious people were still alive.  A puff of smoke filled the room, leaving behind a blonde child that was so familiar and yet _not_.  A flash of metal pulling his attention away.

His hitai-ate lay innocently and undamaged upon his night stand.  Naruto had not worn it for many years, not after Konohagakure.

_-Crater, fires smoldering. Hole where home used to be._

_“Leave them! There’s no time!” Hands pulling, yanking, desperate fingers with desperate faces._

_There, than not. Space of nothing. “Iruka!” Gone.-_

Naruto picked it up carefully, fingers hesitant and shaking as if he thought it would disappear at his touch, a terrible mirage of what _was_.  It was solid in his hand, metal cold and cloth soft.  The headband was heavier than the actual object, the weight of his failures dragging it down.

Kurama chuffed at him, a comforting reminder as Naruto tied the hitai-ate in place.  He took to the roof tops, open shoes barely touching the surface, a butterfly kiss of contact as he propelled himself forward.  The villagers below went about their day as they had every other day, unknowing on how fragile it all truly was.  Looking at them made Naruto feel like he was looking directly at the sun.

He learned quickly to just not look at all.

The school was solid and whole, the door unbroken, the building still standing proud.  So easily it had collapsed, roof caving in as children screamed in terror…then they had screamed in pain.  So many had been trapped, rubble caved into tiny pockets of survivors.  Those that had survived the initial blast had died there, alone in the dark. 

At night, Naruto could still hear them crying, his own voice pleading with Iruka who refused to leave even one child behind.  His first true friend died with them, trying futilely to dig them out.  But there had not been enough time and Konoha had burned around him as the teacher kept digging even as everyone else evacuated.  He had kept digging when the ground began to tremble, and still yet when Konoha buckled and fell into itself before an explosion turned the night sky into fire.

_Do you think I’ll see them again?_

His body had never been found and Naruto knew that there was _nothing_ to find.  His brother in all but blood was ash now, dark flakey specks that fell from the sky for weeks after.  It covered everything for miles, almost like snow as it blanketed the trees, clinging to their perspiring skin like war paint.

Some of the Konoha shinobi took the ash and painted designs on their flesh, almost ceremonial in its likeness.  Naruto never figured out if they did it in remembrance or if they did it as if to make themselves forget that the ash was the only thing left of their family.

He took a deep breath, chest expanding quickly with _clean_ air as he gathered his memories and emotions, placing them within a dark corner of his mind that he labeled ‘do not touch’.  He then carefully erected a mask around himself, trying desperately to remember what happiness _felt_ like.  He honestly could not remember, but he knew how to pretend like he did.  Naruto had always been good at pretending.

A smile plastered itself across his face, painted with enthusiasm and joy _–lies–_ that was just a little too wide and he made his way inside the academy.  It was with a heavy heart and mind that Naruto Uzumaki, the village idiot and prankster, twenty-seven turned twelve, walked into a dead classroom full of dead friends.  He made sure to squint his eyes as he _smiled_ , a mask to hide the monster beneath.


	2. Culpa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There was a goblin, or a…trickster. Or a warrior. A nameless, terrible thing, soaked in the blood of a billion galaxies. The most feared being in all the cosmos. And nothing could stop it, or hold it, or…reason with it. One day it would just drop out of the sky and tear down your world.” –The Doctor

“Is that this year’s top rookie, Sasuke Uchiha?” Asuma asked quietly as the jounin gathered around the Hokage’s desk.  Kurenai shifted to allow Kakashi to see the glass ball in which Sasuke’s bored face appeared.  As a sharingan user, she knew that the name Uchiha would grab his attention.

“Yes,” Sarutobi replied quietly, the corners of his lips pulling down at the quiet reminder of their village’s failure to one of their most prestigious clans.  As the sole survivor of the Uchiha massacre, Sasuke garnered a lot of attention and also a lot of scrutiny.  The boy was pressured to be the best, better than any that came before him, and it seemed to age the child beyond his years.

Kakashi’s one eye took in the boy’s seemingly uninterested attitude as the image shifted to the rest of the class.  Shikaku’s son, Shikamaru, was also one of the top class members.  The only thing holding him back was the Nara’s inherited laziness. 

Bright blonde hair pulled his attention, whisker marks on smiling cheeks.  Minato’s boy, Naruto.  He was sitting between to the academy’s laziest student and the Inuzuka boy, blue eyes –the same shade as his sensei– were watching the females compete to see who got to sit next to Sasuke.  Kakashi blinked at them, he could not remember girls ever being that frivolous. 

Kiba leaned in close to the blonde to say something and Kakashi saw Naruto flinch away before settling, the tattooed boy did not seem to notice.  Kakashi’s visible eye narrowed at the action, unsettled by what he witnessed and the connotation behind it as the image moved further about the room. 

The other jounin began to leave as the Hokage assigned them their teams, allowing each to view their new students in the glass ball before they left to meet the parents of their charges and to get a feel for their home life.  The amount of effort jounin put into their genin teams was one of the reasons Konoha was so prosperous.  Not every village cared for the wellbeing of their shinobi as much as they.

Soon they was no one left.  The copy-nin was the last to get his assignment, and from the look in Sarutobi’s eye as they were alone in the office it had been intentional.

“I am putting Sasuke Uchiha on your team,” the wizened man began, leaning back in his chair as he puffed on his pipe.  “For obvious reasons, of course.” It was the most rational choice.  With no other Uchiha in their village, Kakashi was the only one who could teach the boy about his kekkei genkai.

When Kakashi inclined his head, the kage continued.  “Sakura Haruno does not come from a shinobi family, and though young and in love, her scores show remarkable chakra control.  Naruto will also be on your team.”

“Do you think that wise?” Kakashi questioned.  He tried to keep any emotion from coloring his tone, but Hiruzen easily heard the hesitance within it.  He also heard the guilt.

“It is not your fault, Kakashi-san,” Sarutobi chided him softly.  Whether it was for his failure to protect Kushina or to protect Naruto he was unsure.

“I could have been there for him.” Even as he spoke he knew it was a lie.  His eyes were drawn once more to the blonde before they looked away.  Even if Kakashi had not been more than a child of eleven, broken and emotionally stunted from war and death, he doubted anything would have changed. 

It was hard to look at Naruto knowing his failures.  The boy looked so much like Minato-sensei.

Kakashi was unsure that even if he had not been submerged so deep within Anbu he thought he would never see daylight again, that he would have taken the child in.  Having a constant living reminder of those he had loved and lost was not something he was keen on discovering if he could or could not live with.

His father could not, and the shame of what he did still affected his son eighteen years later.

“No,” Hiruzen sighed after a long moment of silence.  “You could not have.” Kakashi was ashamed that agreed.  “Come, I think I would like to walk with you as you learn of your students.”

The walk to the Uchiha compound was almost leisurely, the day bright and warm as they wound their way through the village’s main road.  They did not converse as they walked, and if one could ignore the Anbu that shadowed the Hokage’s every move, one would say it was peaceful.

Kakashi’s fingers twitched as he desperately wished to pull out his book and escape the growing feeling of dread the closer they got to the compound, but he knew better than to do so in front of the Hokage.  Although he doubted it would offend the old man, Kakashi could not help but think it was disrespectful in the sort of way that could not be forgiven.

He had not been there since Obito’s death but the compound was just as he remembered it.  The buildings were clean and well maintained, the garden sprawling and beautiful.  One could not even see the bloodstains, but the scent of death seemed to linger over the place.  The wind howled through the narrow space between empty homes, the only sound in the near silence.

“This is no place for a child,” Hatake remarked after a long moment as they entered the main home.  The house was bare of all nonessentials.  There were not even photos hung upon the wall.  The only rooms that looked lived in were the kitchen and Sasuke’s bedroom.

Hiruzen sighed softly as he glanced further down the hall, doors closed and rooms left untouched since the massacre.  “Better men than me have tried to get the child to move from here, but the boy refuses.”

“And as the last Uchiha, you cannot demand he leave his clan’s compound,” Kakashi finished for him.

Aside from the haunted like feel to the place, it was not a terrible place to live.  The boy was well stocked.  His food cupboards and refrigerator were full, weapons and books plentiful, and medical supplies bountiful.  The only thing missing was company and a steady parental figure but that could be overlooked.  Sasuke was hardly the first orphan living on his own, and he seemed to be doing well for himself.

They left an hour later, Anbu trailing after them as they made their way to Naruto’s apartment.  Kakashi followed after Hiruzen, hands in his pockets and a frown on his face as they made their way deeper into the seedier part of the village.  Just barely a year retired from being an Anbu captain, he had never taken the time to discover where his teacher’s son had lived.  Part of him now wished he had.

The apartment complex they stopped in front of was old and dilapidated, leaning slightly to one side.  It was pressed in between a dingy tattoo parlor and what Kakashi recognized as a whore house from the symbol in front.  His visible eye darted to the Hokage as if to silent ask if he was sure they had the correct location, but Hiruzen’s frown confirmed his suspicions.

Kakashi was wrong before… _this_ was no place for a child.

They entered the lobby slowly, the door creaking ominously and Kakashi was hesitant to touch the handle even with gloves.  If he had hoped that the inside was better maintained than the outside, they were dashed quickly.  As his eyes adjusted to the dim lighting he took in the rather portly man behind a desk watching some old movie on a battered television.

The man looked up when they approached, and when his eyes fell on the Hokage he scowled.  The reaction was surprising and set Kakashi immediately on edge.

“The little shit’s not here,” the man bit out, tone bordering between rude and disrespectful.

“Yes, I am aware,” Hiruzen sighed, barely even blinking at the other man’s reaction.  Kakashi was surprised the Anbu did not immediately arrest him on principle.  “I will have the key either way.”

The man’s scowl deepened, glare tightening the plumpness of his face.  The seconds seemed to draw out for an eternity before he turned away, reaching into a side drawer and withdrawing a key.  He did not quite throw it, but it was close.  “Rent’s due next week,” he reminded, voice tight before his lip twitched upwards in poorly disguised amusement.  “ _With_ an additional fifty.” He offered no excuse for the added fee and Sarutobi did not ask.

Hiruzen turned his steely gaze on the man and he seemed to whither for a moment before he collected himself and stared back.  After a moment the Hokage turned away without a word and they began to climb the rickety steps.  They walked up seven flights of stairs that creaked and bowed under their weight and at times Kakashi worried that they would break underneath them.

The door that Sarutobi unlocked was dented and scratched.  Kakashi pressed his fingers to one of the deeper grooves curiously.  It looked like a kunai had been the culprit.  Pulling his hand away, his fingertips came back stained red.  He rubbed his thumb over them, watching the paint particles stain his skin.  If he looked close enough he could just make out the word _monster_ on the door.

Someone had spent a lot of time trying to wash the hateful accusation away.  Kakashi doubted it was the landlord and he could not help but feel guilty as he pictured a younger blonde child on his knees scrubbing at the paint with soapy water and teary eyes.  He imagined the boy so angry that he tried to scratch the word out instead when the water could not wash it all away.

“This is the only place that would take him,” his voice sounded ancient and sad, drawing Kakashi from his observation of their surroundings.  The apartment was an open layout, everything but the toilet and shower contained in one room.  The wallpaper was peeling, the furniture nearly falling apart, and there was a leak in the roof, but the place had character.

Posters and knickknacks decorated every available space, the taste eclectic.  Nothing seemed to match which made everything seem to flow perfectly together.  It was an organized chaos.  When he looked closer he realized that there was _nothing_ of value anywhere.  Not even the furniture.  He pondered if it was because the jinchuuriki was used to being robbed or he just did not care about possessions.

“You could force the issue,” Kakashi began hesitantly.  While he considered himself friendly with the Hokage, the man was his boss and he was unsure how his advice would be received.

Sarutobi smiled sardonically at him.  “Do you not think I have already tried that…it did not end well.” He looked away ashamed.  “Naruto spent nearly two weeks in the hospital the last time I _forced_ the issue.  At least the man downstairs does not advertise that the boy lives here, even if he does charge nearly three times the amount over everyone else.”

He tried to imagine what the words implied.  Perhaps a group of people came into Naruto’s home, perhaps they waited outside for him.  He did not like the thought.  He liked it even less when he realized it must have been something truly horrific to keep a jinchuuriki hospitalized for more than a few days.

Kakashi looked away then, something tight in his chest making him unable to look at the saddened expression on the Hokage’s face.  “Sometimes,” he whispered quietly, almost as if to himself but still loud enough to be heard by even the Anbu who were fluttering just outside the room.  “Even though I love this village…sometimes I hate its people.”

Sarutobi smiled softly at him, agreeing silently but unwilling to ever speak so aloud.  “Well,” the old man sighed, adjusting his hat as he pulled out his pipe.  “I’ll let you get to the last visit on your own.  I’m afraid that my break is quite finished and I dread the amount of paperwork that has accumulated since I left my desk.  Take care, Kakashi-san.”

The Hokage left then, walking out the front door as the Anbu followed.  Kakashi remained for another long minute or so, gaze flitting about the room but not really seeing anything.  He pulled his mask down, back to the window, and inhaled deeply.  The scent of sunshine, leaves in the wind, and lavender blooming in summer filled his nose.  It was delicate almost, but something else lay under it, something darker…almost sinister.  It smelled like despair.

Grimacing, he pulled his mask back into place and made his way to the window.  He had one more visit to make before he met his new students.

As he knocked on the Haruno family front door, Kakashi wondered if this team –these students– would be the ones to finally pass.  Part of him did not want them too, simply because he never did well around children, but another part hoped they did.  He wanted to see what they would become.

0~Page_Break~0

When Kakashi finally entered the classroom, it was three hours later and slightly more cheerful.  He was glad that the Haruno family was kind and normal and everything that Naruto and Sasuke’s home life was not.  The girl was simple, her room decorated in pinks and florals, declarations of love written in nearly every notebook.  But she was happy and that made all the difference.

Icha Icha Paradise barely held a fraction of his attention as he slid the door open, walking slow enough that the eraser plopped onto his head and sending chalk dust into the air in an impressive cloud.  The mask protected him from inhaling the substance and the prank was harmless enough that the jounin did not even attempt to dodge it. 

Sometimes small things like a prank to ease their collective boredom went a long way in team building, but from the looks on the faces of the other two children, Kakashi doubted that it had had that affect.  Naruto was laughing loudly, pointing at him as he dodged the fists of his female team member while she was also trying to apologize to their sensei.  Sasuke looked entirely unimpressed by the whole affair.

Snapping the book close, he placed it in his jacket as the three genin finally seemed to settle down and gather in front of him.  “My first impression is…I hate you.  Meet me on the roof,” and then he was gone.

Kakashi could hear his new team racing up the stairwell, yelling at each other as they tried to be first out the door.  Leaning against the railing, he smiled softly as Naruto and Sasuke tumbled onto the roof, throwing elbows and glaring at each other in a childish form of rivalry as Sakura shouted behind them.  The whole thing was rather amusing.

It took several minutes to get them settled on the curved steps before him, Naruto sitting a little further away from the other two as Sakura had attempted to pummel him for elbowing her Sasuke in the face.  “Okay,” he started, trying to preemptively end another verbal battle that he could see about to surface if Naruto’s expression was anything to go by.  “Introduce yourselves.  Your likes, dislikes…dreams…etcetera.”

The silence seemed to stretch on as his team just simply stared at him.  Kakashi was about to just start calling names when the pink haired girl raised her hand hesitantly, biting her lip as if unsure how to proceed.  He nodded his head in her direction and her hand darted back down quickly, a look of relief on her face. 

“Why don’t you go first, sensei, so we know what to say.” Her gaze turned to the Uchiha, lashes fluttering over her blushing cheeks.

Kakashi sighed loudly as he leaned more of his weight upon the railing, elbows resting on either side.  “My name is Kakashi Hatake, you can call me Kakashi or Kakashi-sensei.  I’ll even respond to master if you are so inclined.” His students simply gave him a blank look so he cleared his throat and continued on.  “I have many likes…a few dislikes.  My dreams are my own.  Your turn, pinky.”

They looked between each other in confusion.  Kakashi could see annoyance coloring Sasuke’s look of feigned apathy and he called it a win.  “Alright,” Sakura began hesitantly.  He brought up her file mentally as he half listened to her love filled answers.  She was a fairly average student with fairly average looks.  Her specialty was chakra control, since she did not have much, and _maybe_ –really stressing the maybe– strategy.

When she was finished practically declaring her undying love for Sasuke without actually saying it outright, said boy began his introduction.  Every word spoken seemed to ooze drama with a dash of woe-is-me.  His file was a little more impressive, excelling in ninjutsu followed closely by taijutsu.  Everything else about him was pretty ordinary.

He was no Itachi, which was for certain.

The blonde jinchuuriki was the last to introduce himself.  Naruto bounced in place with excitement, arms waving around widely and Kakashi was grateful that the boy was sitting so far away from the others or he feared that they would have been hit.  Uzumaki’s file was abysmal.  He was dead last in everything, the only reason he passed the exam was because of an incident with one of his instructors. 

He had heard that the boy had also learned kage-bunshin, which was a feat within itself.  Kakashi knew that the Uzumaki’s were powerhouses when it came to chakra, and Naruto would even be more so because of the kyuubi.

Just as Naruto declared himself the next Hokage, Kakashi brought himself back to the present.  He had a cupid love struck pink obsession, an emo avenger with drama queen tendencies, and the village idiot that housed Konoha’s deadliest secret.  At the moment he was unsure if he had good luck or extremely bad luck when it came to his team.  Only time would tell.

Sighing softly, he pushed off of the railing and placed his hands on his hips.  “Meet me at training ground four at oh-five-hundred tomorrow morning for your survival training.  And don’t eat breakfast, you might throw it up.”

“But Kakashi-sensei,” the pink thing -Sakura- he corrected himself began.  Her hand was raised as if to grab him to halt his retreat.  “We already _had_ survival training.” The way she said it was if both remind him and ask if he was stupid in the first place for forgetting.

Kakashi gave her a vicious smile that was barely hidden behind his mask.  “Actually,” he then spent the next few minutes filling them with terror and enjoying every second of it before he yet again used shunshin to disappear.  He did not go far, settling on a sturdy tree branch only a few dozen yards away as he observed his new team. 

There was only so much he could learn by invading their homes and interacting with them.  Much of what he would learn from them in the coming days would be under observation that they were not aware of.

Masking his chakra in case one of his team members were more advanced than they let on -he would not put it past the Uchiha- he watched as Sasuke left after a moment of silence and a disgusted scoff in the back of his throat.  Clearly Kakashi had not left a good impression on the high and mighty Uchiha.

Sakura ran after him, dogging his footsteps as she asked him out on a date.  She fluttered about him like a bitch in heat and Kakashi did not know whether to feel fond amusement or disgusted exasperation by the display.

The moment they were gone the smile seemed to slide off of Naruto’s face like ice.  His expression was almost glacial with how little emotion was displayed.  Blue eyes were riveted on the backs of his teammates and Kakashi could not help but think that the boy looked completely and utterly broken.

The child blinked and the moment was gone.  The smile slipped back onto his face like it had never left, as if it were a mask that was worn and not an emotion to be felt.  Now that he was looking for it, Kakashi could see that it was a little too wide, just a pinch too big.  Once he was aware of it, he realized how fake it appeared, as if he had simply forgotten how to smile or never really learned and was just imitated what he saw people around him doing. 

The tight feeling settled back into his chest as he watched Naruto dart down from the roof and race home.  He shadowed the boy as carefully as he could, wanting to make sure that he got back safe.  Naruto took the least used routes, sometimes jumping up to the roof tops to avoid Konoha’s citizens.  When he made it back to the apartment he used the window, and after meeting the landlord, Kakashi would have made an effort to avoid that man as well.

Once he was sure that the boy was safe, he left for his own apartment.  He tried not to let the guilt dig itself any deeper when he realized that although it was not the best of places to live, it was far better than the one Naruto had raised himself in. 

As he settled himself on the couch, bare feet reclined on the coffee table, he hoped that his team passed, simply for the fact that it made it easier to help the boys.  An adult figure in their life could only benefit them at this point, even if that adult was probably more damaged than they were themselves.

Kakashi sighed softly to himself.  It was moments like these where he wished he had not retired from the Anbu.  Somehow he believed that the special assassination and tactical squad would have been easier than training those three.

He wondered how Minato-sensei did it.


	3. Scaevitas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds.” –Bhagavad Gita

Naruto rushed into his apartment with an anxiety of a one on the verge of collapsing.  His muscles shook though they were not fatigued, body trembling as he brought his arms up and wrapped them around his torso.  Falling to his knees, he clutched the window sill as he tried to comfort himself, desperately wishing for the calm that he had not felt since he had traveled back.

It was harder than he thought, being normal ­ _-monster-_ being who he once was, watching them _be_ who they once were.

It was not just seeing the faces of those who were dead and lost, but the encounter with Madara had scarred him more deeply than he ever thought possible.  Deeper than he was willing to admit.  Sitting in between Kiba and Shikamaru, two of his precious people that he logically _knew_ would never hurt him, had been difficult. 

His legs had twitched and bounced, muscles engaging as if to flee in a moments notice.  Grinding his teeth had left him with a tension headache that even now pounded against his temples.  The pain from his claws digging into his palms helped to keep him grounded and in the moment, not in the _then_ …not with _him._   Being in close proximity to anyone after what that twisted Uchiha had done to him had taken more self-control then he knew he had.

- _Hands gliding on bare flesh, biting into skin, leaving bruises in their wake.  “So beautiful,” whispered words, vile, unwanted.  Fingers digging, seeking, taking.  Nudge, pain filled whimpers, laughter coming from his tormentor.  “Tell me you want it, beg me for it.”_

_Words pleading, “No, please,” and “Stop!”  More laughter.  Pushing, pushing, pushing.  The sound of skin slapping bare skin, harsh grunting, guttural laughing.  Tears, pain, and blood. “No, Please!”-_

He had been a guest of Madara’s for nearly two weeks while his people had prepared for the bijuu extraction.  The man had not been idle with his prisoner in all of that time.  Less than two weeks, that was all it took to break him.  He had been tortured before, but what Madara had done was nowhere close to what he had ever experienced.

Before, it had been about information.  Others hurt him to get him to talk.  Madara did not want his knowledge, he wanted his _pain_.  The only words he had wanted the jinchuuriki to speak were not base locations or unit schedules, it was to hear him beg.  And Naruto had…he had begged until his voice turned hoarse.

Sitting there, so close to other people, left him in a state of hyper awareness and combat alertness.  He had to repeatedly remind himself that these were his _friends_ , they would never hurt him like that.  But it did not stop him from shaking the entire time, sweat beading down his neck and face pale. 

Naruto could not believe that no one had noticed how close he was to plunging into a full mental breakdown.  It was only because of Kurama’s constant dialogue of random topics that he was able to stop himself from slitting Kiba’s throat when the Inuzuka leaned to close.  It made something heavy settle in his chest when he thought upon how close he actually came to killing his friend.  He hated what he had become, the monster that he had turned into whose first reaction was to _kill_.

That was what he was now: a monster.

Uncomfortable as he was around others, he tried to sit away from the majority of the students.  Last time _-first time-_ he had sat next to Sasuke, argued with Sakura, accidentally kissed the bastard, and then was beaten to a pulp by nearly the entire female population.  Instead, he sat on the other side of the classroom, trying to catch sight of his old teammates from the corner of his eye.

He saw Sasuke first, black hair and bored eyes.  His whole posture screamed nonchalant, the poster boy for a tragic past.  The girls swooned in the presence of the Uchiha heir and were not put off by his cold and distant attitude.  For some reason it seemed to endear them even more to the boy, believing that behind his icy exterior was a heart of gold.

There was no heart of gold, it was just a pale red organ.  A thing of muscle and tissue that pumped blood and was so intrinsically fragile.  Naruto knew so first hand.  He had held the organ in his own fist, felt the blood pump around his fingers before it crushed under the pressure of his rasengan.

_-“Teme!” Screaming, muscles twitch, exhaustion leaking from pores like rain from clouds. “Don’t make me do this!”_

_Scoff, haughty look, disinterest…disgust. “Dobe.”_

_Thousands of birds chirping, lightning screeching in palm. Quickly, gather what chakra is left. Not enough time, not enough. Lunge…pain. Collapsed lung, chidori crackling, dissipates. Thump thump-_

They had leapt at each other, Jiraiya’s rasengan versus Kakashi’s chidori, wielded by their students.  Sasuke had missed, fist just a little too far to the right, punching through Naruto’s lung rather than his heart. 

Naruto had not missed.  For several long seconds he felt the heart beat within his grasp before it exploded and Sasuke had fallen limp with a smile on his face and a fond ‘dobe’ on his bloodied lips.  He wondered, even to this day, if the Uchiha had intentionally hit him in a non-vital area but had died before the jinchuuriki could ask.

He had dragged Sasuke’s body back to Konoha, broken and bleeding, barely alive himself.  Naruto’s hospital stay was long and Kakashi was his only constant visitor.  He did not see Sakura until he was four days recovered and eating ramen between his two teachers.  Iruka and Kakashi bickered back and forth over his head like an old married couple, fondness coloring their tone of indignation. 

Sakura had walked in and their eyes met for several long moments and Naruto felt his heart flutter in a way that reminded him of what Sasuke’s had done right before it stopped.  She looked tired, face slack in exhaustion from too many nights of no sleep.  He twisted in his seat, muscles gathering to stand and approach her but when he blinked she was gone, the waiving curtain and flash of pink hair the only proof she had ever been there.

Kakashi and Iruka pretended not to notice, bickering louder as if to pull the very tension out of the air.  Naruto loved them for that, their silent support as he felt their shoulders brushing his.  It would take a long time before Sakura could look at him with anything other than carefully concealed emotions.  Naruto did not believe that she ever truly forgave him for what he did that day, not even up to the moment she died.

That was okay though…Naruto never forgave himself either.

Compared to Sasuke, looking at Sakura was almost easy.  Her pink hair flashed in the bright sun _-long, not short-_ and Naruto could not remember ever seeing her so happy.  She and Ino were yanking at each other, trying to take the only available seat next to their love competition.  When his eyes caught Ino’s for just a moment Naruto turned away quickly and tried to hide the tears that started to build.

_-“Ino!” Voice desperate. Hold her back, can’t let her go near._

_“No, Sakura. It’s a trap!” Hands grasping deceptively fragile arms, yanking away, away, away!_

_“Please,” whispered words, broken on the wind. Oh gods, alive! She’s alive! “Please,” cough of blood down naked chest, splattered alabaster skin. Spikes of tree roots digging through muscle. Mounted like a prized trophy, exposed, bleeding, dying.  “Please.”_

_“Ino! Naruto, let me go, she’s still alive!” Yanking, pulling, can’t let her go near. “I can save her!”_

_“No,” pull her away. “Sakura, it’s a trap!”_

_“We can’t just leave her!” Desperate. Why can’t you understand? She’s precious, one of the last few. “Naruto?” Wavers, unsure. “What are you doing? N-no, no! You can’t! Naruto! NO!”_

_Thunk, hollowed sound. Kunai through brain, dead. She’s dead, not alive. Sakura can’t go near, must not. She screams.-_

They had left her mounted upon tree roots that pierced through muscle and flesh but not any part of her that was vital.  He did not want to think on how long she had been there, naked in the elements, before he and Sakura had stumbled upon her. It could have been hours…it could have been days.  They had just enough time to set fire to her corpse before fleeing.  Sakura had been crying so hard she could not see and Naruto was forced to carry her.  She had slapped his hand away when he offered at first and that had hurt more than he thought it could, but in the end she accepted his help.

She had never forgiven him for what he had done that day either.

Naruto looked away from them, fixing his gaze upon the desk instead.  When Iruka came in to announce teams he shouted and cheered, made unnecessary noise and was able to skate under the radar by standing out in true Naruto Uzumaki fashion.  

He kept his eyes on the board or the desk, sometimes the wall.  Seeing people from the corner of his eyes was easier than looking directly at them.  In those moments he could almost pretend that everything was normal, that he was normal _-monster-_ and that nothing had happened to them…that they had not all died and _left_ him.

_Oh gods, they had left him. They had left him and he was alone, alone, alone!_

**“Stop!”** Kurama’s voice echoed in the silence of his mind.  **“Do not.”**

So he stopped, forcing the corners of his mouth to pull just a little further and laugh as Ino and Sakura shouted at each other.  Everyone around him started to gather into their groups, smiles turning their lips up in a way that was so much more natural than the facsimile that Naruto portrayed.

_So that is what happy looks like…_

They all began to disperse for lunch and Naruto watched Iruka-sensei leave first, a pile of scrolls gathered under one arm.  His chest got tight again but he looked away before he did something stupid like cry or lunge at his friend, cling to him and never let go.  Soon, he was the only one left in the room as Sasuke exited with a gaggle of girls trailing after, lashes fluttering on rosy cheeks, trying to get his attention.

Naruto would have been amused if he was not so broken, hands fisted in his hair as he tried to pull his sanity back into place.  His chakra began to flutter in unease but Kurama ruthlessly grappled it back into place, leaving his nerve endings tingling.  The flare caused his henge to start to slip so he quickly recast it just as Sakura hesitantly shuffled back into the room.

She looked flustered, two bright red spots on her cheeks that spread down her neck.  He knew that the flush would stretch all the way to the top of her bosom.  She had gone through a phase of wearing low cut tops like Tsunade in order to use her feminine figure to her advantage.  She had caught him staring at them more than once, and at first she had been perturbed and punched him hard enough to bruise for days.

It had taken a long time for Naruto to explain that they catch his attention in the ‘they look soft and squishy and nice’ sort of way instead of the ‘I want to devour them’ way.  Sakura had never really understood, but she had been caught staring at Naruto’s breasts when he employed the sexy jutsu to compare them so she sort of accepted it was just a thing.  A weird thing for certain, but nothing sexual.

She became more accepting of it when she discovered that Naruto was more inclined towards the male gender than the female.  Soon it was something that they laughed about and told hilarious anecdotes with copious intake of alcohol.  Not long after that they were comparing female figures and she was disturbed with how accurate and knowledgeable he was with the female form, but if rumors were true he had been raised next to a brothel.

Occasionally, Sakura forgot that he was in fact male and he just became Naruto: her friend, brother, and only the once was he a lover.  That whole situation was awkward to the extreme and never spoken of again under penalty of death.  They blamed the alcohol but both knew that it was loneliness that was the true culprit.

_-“We never speak of this again,” hissed words with soft voice, pink hair ruffled, hands yanking clothes on. Where did my pants go? “Agreed?” Not a question, demand of compliance._

_“No arguments here,” distracted. How did they get up there? “It was, huh,” hesitant. Iruka never talked about this. What to say, do? “So, this happened, and it was, huh…nice?”_

_Scoff, hands tying back hair. “Was that a question? I’ll have you know I am fantastic in bed,” brag, truth. Turn, hesitant smile, teasing. “You were not so bad yourself…but never again.”-_

Kakashi would have laughed at them, teased until they burst a blood vessel from blushing so much.  But he was two years dead and could not harass them about anything.  His orange book covered in blood secured in Naruto’s flak jacket, safe but never opened.  Sometimes, Naruto would pull it out and just stare at it, fingers ghosting over the red stained cover.  He would catch Sakura looking at the pocket he kept it in, a melancholy expression darkening her features.

They never spoke about what had happened with Kakashi, the grief always just on the side of too thick.  Speaking the words would have made it real.  Keeping the conversation -the declaration- locked beneath quivering throats, they could almost pretend their once sensei was just late from a mission.  They could pretend that he would plop himself down by their campfire any second and they would scream about his tardiness while he came up with a lame excuse.

Being butchered and disjointed was a good excuse as any.  Kakashi had been dismembered like one would dress a deer after a hunt.  Each joint laid out on the forest floor in the anatomically correct position if separated by a quarter inch, wrapped in pale red ribbons. The only thing missing was his implanted eye.

When the tears had blurred his eyes, Naruto could almost make himself believe that Kakashi was merely sleeping.  Sakura was nearly catatonic in shock as Naruto kneeled down, fingers untying the ribbon over the Anbu tattoo on Kakashi’s bicep before retying it on his own.  Closing his one eye, he let fingers ghost over the copy-nin’s exposed face before he set his body on fire.

It was not the first time he had seen his sensei’s face, but it was the first time he had seen it twisted in such agony.  The damage to each joint showed signs of struggle.  Naruto refused to think on how far the enemy had gotten up Kakashi’s limbs before the man had died from blood loss.

 **“Do not,”** a reminder, soft but insistent.  Naruto turned to Sakura instead.

“Are you okay, Sakura-chan?” He asked hesitantly, unsure of his welcome with this younger Sakura.  She looked up at him, startled, pink hair fanning behind her and catching the light in a way that was entirely too distracting.  Her eyes were wet, rimmed red like she had been rubbing at them.

“What are you doing here?” She questioned harshly, hands turning into fists as her posture shifted into something more aggressive and less insecure.

Naruto blinked at her, his attention momentarily absorbed by the strange sensation of the horizontal slide of his additional eye lid.  “I never left,” he admitted softly, still seated at the desk near the back.  Her glare seemed to die than, a look of tiredness about her that was nothing like the one she would gain years from now.  “Are you okay?”

He tried to pose the question as softly and unobtrusive as possible.  After a moment it seemed to work as Sakura deflated, sighing loudly as she ran a hand through her hair.  She walked up the steps like she was carrying a heavy weight before she took a seat below and in front of Naruto’s.

She had perched herself on the desk facing him so she was more or less at eye level.  He smiled at her softly as she stared at him, the corners of her eyes were creased in the way that he had come to recognize.  Sakura had made some sort of decision for herself.  It was then that he knew something had happened, only one person could make her look the way she did now.

“Did something happen with Sasuke?” He asked delicately, dropping the teme at the end in order to avoid a fight.  Even when furious or hurt because of the Uchiha, she would defend every small slight to his character.

She flinched, eyes darting down and to the side.  Sakura looked…sad.  He hated when she looked sad.  Her lack of an answer confirmed his suspicion.  His gut twisted uncomfortably, unsure on how to continue.  Part of him wanted to console her like he had so many times after Ino died, changing his form to female and spending the day painting their nails and gossiping like women.  It was embarrassing, but sometimes Sakura needed a friend that was a girl to do girl things with and Naruto would make himself into a toad if it made her happy.

He could not do that now though.  They did not have _history_ anymore.  But he refused to react like he would have when he really was this young and innocent.  That would only infuriate Sakura and alienate himself further.

Instead he chose to try to distract her.  “You ever hear on the legendary sannin?” He questioned after a long moment of awkward silence.  He smiled in triumph when she turned to him in confusion.  Crossing his arms on the desk, he rested his chin on them as he just started talking about everything that came to mind.  Mostly he talked about Tsunade. 

Sakura was young still, but she flourished when she had a role model.  That was what she needed now, someone besides Sasuke to look up too.  Naruto could not be that person, not now, and he knew he was pushing things much earlier, but it was never too soon to better yourself.  Perhaps Sakura would do better if she straightened herself out sooner rather than later.  Only time would tell.

They were still talking when the students started to trail back in.  The pink kunoichi looked up in surprise at the sudden influx of people, eyes darting to the clock as she broke off mid question.  Nearly an hour had passed since she returned to the classroom and in all that time not once had she thought of Sasuke and his cruel words to her.

Her eyes darted back to the resident dead last, brow scrunching as she scrutinized him.  Naruto just smiled softly back at her, almost indulgently.  It made her stomach flutter in a surprisingly pleasant way, which in turn made her scowl at him.  He just laughed and flicked his hand as if waving her away.  Sakura scoffed, but she hopped off the desk to sit next to Ino.  His smile slid off into something sharper, more deprecating when her back was turned.

Groups began to cluster together in pockets as they awaited their jounin-sensei.  Shikamaru sighed loudly as he dropped into the seat next to the time traveler.  He seemed to almost melt into the action, chest raising before his whole body sagged as the air left him in a loud exhale.

Naruto turned to look at him, but the boy’s eyes were closed and he appeared to be almost asleep.  He turned away before his mind tried to overlap the Shikamaru that was here and the one that had been _there_.

 **“Stop.”** He turned to face the front of the room.

Iruka did not return as there was no need.  Each student was awaiting their new teacher and since they were genin and were technically considered adults, they could be left unsupervised.  Naruto was unsure if he was relieved that his old sensei had left or disappointed.  Something frantic was clawing at his chest the longer his adoptive brother stayed away. 

He was fighting with his mind, trying to convince himself that just because he could not see the man did not mean he was dead.  His mind did not want to listen.  **“Stop!”**

Naruto stopped, blue eyes closing as he laid his head on the desk.  He stretched his senses and followed the chakra signatures of those around him.  With how high strung he was, Naruto could not afford to be surprised or caught off guard.  It may just mean the death of someone if he was not careful.

The wait was long, almost agonizingly so as one team after the other began to trickle out.  The sun had shifted lower in the sky by the time team seven was left alone.  Sasuke was by the window, leaning against its frame as he stared dispassionately out at the village.  Sakura was flipping through a beauty magazine, gaze disinterested and face set to bored.

Naruto debated with himself for a long time before he finally sighed and stood from his seat.  Sakura glanced at him curiously as he approached the blackboard, studying the erasers before settling on the dustiest.  Something almost genuine pulled the corner of his mouth up as he dragged the small step ladder to the door and positioned the eraser in the threshold. 

He hated being short again.  Naruto never quite reached Kakashi’s impressive five foot ten, but he still had been a fair is slightly below average five six.  Currently he was a short four foot seven.  Putting the ladder back, he sighed softly in annoyance.

Sakura finally put the magazine away and walked over to him.  “Naruto…” she sighed the word, drawing it out until it sounded like it had a dozen syllables.

“Come on, Sakura,” he countered, equally exasperated.  Sasuke turned to look at them but did not bother to leave the window.  “He’s jounin, the prank is harmless.”

“You’ll give him a bad impression,” she pressed, arms crossed and stance indignant.

Naruto crossed his own arms, posture bordering between defensive and cocky.  “What about him giving _us_ a bad impression.  He is late, and I mean not even by a little,” he waved his hand as if to indicated time within the length of the motion.  They _had_ been waiting for quite a while.

“Maybe he is busy,” she replied before she turned to the door.  “Besides, we are adults now, we don’t have time for such childish pranks.” Sakura reached for the door to put the eraser back when a hand beat her to it.  The door opened and the eraser dropped on the man’s head, sending chalk dust flying before it clattered to the floor.  Sakura turned her glare to Naruto and the boy darted out of reach.

That tight feeling was back in his chest as he watched Kakashi-sensei step into his trap, orange book in hand _-no blood stains-_ and bored expression on his one visible eye.  Naruto’s heart fluttered, almost arrhythmic as he forced himself to laugh while dodging Sakura’s slow attempts to hit him.

A headache started to press into his temples again as his eyes hungrily took in the wild silver hair, hitai-ate over the sharingan, and mask over the perfectly sculpted face that was marred only by the scar that started on his eyebrow and went all the way to his chin.

He fought back the thick feeling in his throat and wetness in his eyes as Kakashi body-flickered to the roof.  Naruto did not realize until that moment how badly he missed the man who he believed he would have come to love.

Kakashi never knew about the crush that had started to form just a few short years before his death.  At first Naruto thought it was admiration that had taken a slight turn into an obsession.  It was not until Sakura started to tease him about his puppy love and how adorable it was that he was crushing on their old sensei that the pieces started to click.  They never spoke of it beyond the once and the sly comments that she made on the side, but the feeling stuck.

Naruto had been gathering his courage to tell Kakashi that he thought he may have been falling in love with the man…but then he had died.  The shinobi was unsure whether it was better that way, confession left unsaid.  Sakura did not seem to think so.

He remembered the first time he had seen the silver haired jounin without his mask.  They had been sharing a tent for years after Konoha had been destroyed.  It was easier that way.  At first they did it because of shortages, people doubling and even tripling up in tents meant for one.  But even after their group started to dwindle and the deaths kept piling on top until they left behind mountains of bodies and there were more tents than people…it was just easier to keep sharing.

That was where his crush probably started.  Kakashi, when tired or relaxed enough, cuddled.  He liked to hold something when he slept, and out of convenience that something was usually Naruto.  It also had the added benefit of keeping the jinchuuriki still.  Naruto moved a lot in his sleep, but not when being held.

Through trial and error they learned that Kakashi could not stand to wake with a weight holding him down.  Sometimes he floundered around when he awoke in a panic, only once did he attack Naruto.  Being the little spoon would have made him feel cross if he had not been in desperate need of physical contact as well.  He just chose to conveniently ignore the fact that with Kakashi, sleep seemed to come easy.

After he died, sleep did not come at all.

The day he had seen Kakashi’s face was as normal as any other.  They disentangled themselves and Naruto went to dress while Kakashi retrieved breakfast.  Sharing such a small space, the jinchuuriki had plenty of opportunity to peek, but by that time it just seemed wrong to do so.  Kakashi-senpai had joined him in their too small tent, handed him what he thought was porridge, possibly oatmeal, and pulled down his own mask to eat.

Naruto had been so lost in his own world, spoon shifting around the colorless slop that he had not seemed to notice until his old sensei was nearly done with his own meal.  When he did finally realize no words of joy came out, no exclamations of I-told-you-so, no shouts of finally.  He just smiled.  Kakashi smiled back, and Naruto could actually _see_ it now, before they finished their breakfast in silence.

Nine days later Kakashi took a team out for reconnaissance and never returned.  Naruto took Sakura and his own team for recovery.  Kakashi’s group was never found but two days later they found Kakashi.

Part of Naruto broke that day, seeing the man that he had come to love brutalized so.  Sakura wept for days, drinking until she could no longer think and climbing into her own tent with Ino.  Naruto could hear them at night, their moans pulling something from his chest as he curled around the blanket that smelled like Kakashi less and less each day.

They fucked, their coupling brutal and animalistic.  Even though they did not love each other, Ino and Sakura tried to make love like they did.  It was not quite right, just on the side of too savage to be anything resembling love, but it made them feel a little less broken and it was all they had.  When Ino died Sakura moved into his tent, bringing the pillow that smelled like her blonde lover and curling into his arms.

Naruto understood and welcomed her company.  Still he did not sleep.

When Naruto finally pulled himself away from the window, it was nearly dark.  Stripping bare, he tried to relax back into the bed.  The mattress was too soft, the sheets too thick, the room to open.  He buried his nose into the pillow, trying in vain to catch Kakashi’s scent just like he had done every night for the past three years.

Except this night it was not in vain.  He raised himself from the bed, nose in the air as he took tentative sniffs.  It was the scent of ozone that caught him first, fresh rain on green grass, cinnamon baked with sugar, dogs’ fresh from bath.

_Kakashi..._

He pulled himself from his bed, following the scent to his kitchen table, through his cupboards, by his fridge, in his closet.  Another scent overlapped his, smoke and parchment, aged wine and old books.

_Hokage..._

Just what were they doing in his apartment?  They had been careful not to touch anything, everything was just how he left it that morning.  Confusion set in, blue eyes darting out the window and into the night.  The moonlight and shadows revealed nothing.

Naruto’s eyes narrowed.  He could not remember if this had happened before and that unsettled him.  He would have to be much more careful if his sensei was in the habit of invading his students’ homes.  After a while he gave up trying to decipher their purpose through the scents they had left behind. 

Crawling back into bed, sleep came slow to him.  With Kakashi’s scent heavy in the air, he almost expected to feel an arm wind its way around his stomach and pull him back into a strong chest.  When it did not happen, his own chest tightened, making it difficult to breathe.

Finally, when he did sleep, his dreams were unkind.  He did not scream or cry out, but his rest was broken and tortured.  When he awoke, Kakashi’s scent was nearly gone, carried out the open window in the morning breeze.  Naruto could not decide if it was better that way or not.


	4. Inprobatus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I will destroy you. No matter how long it takes, no matter what it costs me. I won’t sleep, I won’t eat. I won’t do anything but plot your downfall. I will mow down your men like they’re weeds. I’ll kill so many of them so viciously, so brutally, so horribly that no one will dare to work for you. And sooner or later, I’ll get you too.” –Jennifer Estep

It was difficult for Naruto to separate his current reality from his nightmare.  Sheets soaked in sweat, he pulled himself up until he could sit and stare out the open window.  Harsh pants ripped their way from his lungs, filling the silence of the room and drowning out the sound of cicadas from outside.

It was still dark out, the moon high in the sky.  He turned to his clock to find it crushed.  Had he done that…he could not remember.  Another would need to be bought soon. Choosing not to dwell on it, he turned to the window instead.  It was early, hours before dawn, not long after midnight.

Eyes unfocused and haunted, he pulled himself from bed.  There would be no more sleep this night.  His legs shook as he stood, trembling and weak under him.  He glared at his pale limbs, disgusted with their feebleness.  It would take a lot of work to get his body back into shape.

A flick of red on blonde from the corner of his eye had him cursing quietly.  The henge had slipped from him while he slept.  He glanced out the open window, Konoha quiet in the night.  He doubted anyone had noticed his new appearance, or there would have been a mob outside demanding his head.  Just further proof that he really was the monster that they all feared.

Naruto shook himself from the thoughts, trying to come up with a way to make the henge stick while he was unconscious.  He would have to tie it to something…maybe a necklace or a bracelet?  He sighed, a problem for another time, hardly his most pressing at the moment.

The bathroom light nearly blinded him, slit pupils contracting as he carefully stepped around the glass shards still scattered upon the tiled floor.  The cubicle was calling to him, a shower long overdue.

Naruto could not remember the last time he took an honest to gods shower.  They did not have such luxuries at the front lines, the closest anyone got to bathing was a dip in the freezing river.

_-“Come on, Sakura,” pink hair shaking in negative at the words._

_"I’m not getting in there,” lips pursed, grimacing.  “It’s lake water, and it’s like negative five degrees out.”_

_Laughter, leaves falling from trees: red, orange, brown.  “You said you wanted to get clean,” step closer, hand reaching._

_Narrowed eyes, step back, distrust.  More laughter, glee, joy.  Lunge, grab, yank, scream.  “Naruto! Put me down!” Struggling, moving, laughter.  “Don’t you freaking dare. NARUTO!” Splashing, choking, freezing. “I’m going to kill you!”-_

He had nothing to strip off as the water heated, having slept naked.  Instead he glanced upon the cracked mirror as steam began to fill the room.  It was just like him, broken.  Blue eyes jerked from the image, face pinched in mental anguish before he forced himself under the water that was just on the side of too hot.

It was godly, that was the only way to explain it.  Near scalding water poured down his back, rivulets winding down tense muscles.  The water came away clear, pooling at his feet before rushing down the drain.  He only really ever bathed when it had been necessary.  The water then had always run brown, sometimes pink.

The shower seemed to take forever, the water turning cold before he was finished.  His tail took the longest to clean, sensitive nerve endings flashing pleasure down his spine.  He was hard before he was finished cleaning it.  He had been hard for Madara as well.

Naruto’s stomach rolled unpleasantly, nausea creeping up his throat as his mind turned to the Uchiha, images of being touched, the man arousing him before shoving his cock inside unprepared.  When he had done it the first time, Naruto had thought he was going to ripped in half.  He had never experienced such pain before.

- _“Open your eyes, boy,” thrust, push, pull.  “Oh, liked that did you? What was that? You want more?” Laughter.-_

Madara had taken much pleasure from arousing the jinchuuriki to the point of almost completion, and then watching with glee as his arousal withered when he shoved himself inside as deeply as he could.  Naruto had been no stranger to sex, but what the Uchiha forced upon him was anything but.  With the chakra dampening collar, Naruto had been unable to fight back.  Madara liked that the most.

He had been disgusted with himself the first time he had gotten hard for the older man.  By the fourth time it seemed insignificant in the scheme of things.  After that he had just come to accept it as a fact that his body would respond no matter what his mind was telling him.  Madara never let him complete anyways.  At first he had been angry that he could not get his own release, but now he was glad that he had not.

Naruto doubted he could hate himself any more than he already did.

The young boy came too when the water turned frigid.  He was only slightly content to note that his penis was once again flaccid.  He was unsure if it was because of the temperature or his thoughts, either way it eased some of the anxiety inside of him.

Naruto made a mental note to pick up more shampoo as he dried himself off.  He chose to flick the water from his tail instead of using the towel.  The limb was just too sensitive.  Casting a quick henge, he walked over to his closet, pulling out another too orange outfit and ripped a hole for his tail.

He glanced at the kitchen before dismissing the idea of food.  After the turn his thoughts took that morning, he doubted he would be able to keep anything solid down.  Naruto also suspected that his food stores were getting rather depleted.  He never did have a lot as a child.

Grocery shopping was the first thing on his list after he met with his team.  He would need to shop under a different henge, perhaps as a woman.  Lower prices and discounts were easier to come by when female.

Naruto’s stomach twisted, but he ignored it.  He could not remember the last time he had eaten.  This body did not eat yesterday, but perhaps the day before.  It did not matter, he had learned to go days without.

Grabbing his hitai-ate, Naruto left through the window.  He took a moment to close it and place a trap along the sill.  If Kakashi-sensei wanted to be a creepy stalker, he could suffer the consequences.  The thought did not cheer him as much as he thought it would.

0~Page_Break~0

For waking so early, Naruto was the last of the genin to arrive at the bridge.  He was not terribly late, perhaps only a few minutes, but Sakura reacted like her delicate sensibilities had been insulted by his lack of punctuality.  Sasuke only gave him a smug look as he dodged the kunoichi’s halfhearted attempts to bash his skull in.

Sakura settled down quickly after the bout of anger, seating herself on the bridge with her back against the rail.  Naruto sat near enough for conversation but not close enough to touch.  Sasuke remained on the other side, watching the ducks on the water, part of the team but always separate.  He was most comfortable when he was just on the outside of everything.  Naruto understood that now, before he had needed to be the center of attention…now, not so much.

They spent nearly an hour in silence before curiosity got the better of Sakura and she turned to Naruto who had pulled a book out of his bag and had been flipping through it.  She had not thought to bring anything to entertain herself with.  Next time she would not make that mistake.

“What are you reading?” She questioned softly, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.  She seemed unsure on how to conduct herself when Naruto was not acting like an idiot.

Naruto bounced in place, smiling brightly as he shifted closer to her.  He held the book out and she took it hesitantly.  “I found it yesterday when I was cleaning my room,” he replied as she read the cover, _An Idiots Guide to Being a Genin._

She snorted in amusement, flipping through the pages quickly, eyes flitting from one picture to the next not really taking them in.  It sounded like a book Naruto would have.  “Is it helpful?” She asked diplomatically.

“Of course it is!” He did not quite shout as he snatched the book from her, fingers turning pages so quickly she could not keep up.  Naruto finally stopped on one of the chapters near the beginning of the book before he handed it back.  “Read this!”

Sakura took it with more confidence, even as her face twisted cynically.  She let her eyes take in the words anyways.  It was not like there was anything else to do.  The chapter was titled _Genin Teams and Jounin Teachers: Teamwork_.  In little time at all she was absorbed in the words, knees coming up and hunching over the book as she finished one chapter and then moved onto the next.

“Sasuke-kun!” She did not quite shout as she scrambled up from the ground.  The Uchiha turned to her, startled from the silence that had descended the group since she started reading.  He frowned as she ran to him, shoving the book into his face.  “Read this!”

Sasuke glared at her, but he took the book nonetheless.  He was afraid that it would break his nose with her waving it around if he refused.  Turning back to the railing, he only gave a grunt of annoyance as Sakura pressed close to him to read over his shoulder.  Moment later they were both huddled over the book, heads pressed together as they whispered curiously.

Naruto watched them with a fond expression that bordered upon nostalgic.  There was not much he could do being the age that he was, but he could do this at least.  He planned to make life as a genin a little easier on the other two, and maybe on Kakashi as well in return.

The morning wind shifted, carrying leaves over the creek and ruffling Sakura’s pink hair so it resembled the tree she was so aptly named after.  An affectionate sigh escaped him before a frown pulled at his lips.  He inhaled deeply, tilting his head so he was facing into the wind and sniffed again.  Cinnamon and rain… _Kakashi_.

Naruto frowned as he finally located where the man was.  He thought that perhaps he would be walking down the path towards them but the scent came from the trees, not the village.  Discreetly, he searched the tree line with his eyes, trying to play it off as a stretch as he swept his gaze from one end to the other. 

Wherever Kakashi was, he was well hidden.  Naruto could not see him, but he could smell the man, and with how strong the scent was Kakashi had been there for a while.  He dared not to flex his chakra to pinpoint his exact location as he highly doubted that Kakashi would overlook such a thing.  That was not the only reason though, as using chakra to locate others was a jounin level skill and Naruto did not want to have to explain how he knew the technique.

A tick formed above his eye, face morphing into annoyance as he realized what that meant.  Kakashi was watching them, had been watching them…probably for the whole time.  How many times had he done that in the past?  Did he spend every team meeting being late just observing his students, watching them get more and more worked up as the minutes ticked by.

At least some things never change.  It did not matter when or where he was, Kakashi was always infuriating.

_-Hand ruffling hair. “What’s the matter, Naru-chan?” Affectionate words dipped in mockery._

_“Don’t talk to me,” turn away, shrug out from underneath. Stop pouting. “I hate you so much right now.” Laughter.-_

Naruto turned back to his team members, trying to hide his agitation as they flipped to another chapter and started arguing over some sort of technique or strategy.  Naruto left them too it, more content with watching them then involving himself.  He decided not to tell them about Kakashi being a stalker.  It would only anger them and out himself.

The next hour passed by rather quickly with Sakura and Sasuke bickering back and forth over his book.  They had just finished the third chapter when Kakashi finally strolled up, smiling at the group and waving distractedly at them.  “Yo.”

Sakura and Sasuke turned quickly, the pink kunoichi tucking the book behind her as if she really believed Kakashi had no idea what they were doing.  Perhaps she really believed that.  Kakashi smiled in amusement.

It took a moment, but seconds later she was recovered, tossing the book to Naruto as he fought to catch it before it went in the water.  His protests went ignored as her cheeks turned red in indignation, anger in every line of her body as she marched towards her sensei.  “You are late!”

- _“Why are you always so tardy?” Chuckle, smile creasing the mask, orange book, page turned, attention diverted.  “Fine, be difficult.  See if I care.” Scoff… “Seriously though, why are you always late?” Lips twitch, deep chuckle, no answer.-_

“Well,” Kakashi rubbed a hand over his ear.  The girl certainly had a set of lungs on her.  “I was on my way here when I crossed a black cat.  So I had to go all the way back and take a different route.  You would not want me to be cursed with bad luck now, would you?”

Sakura and Sasuke stared at him flabbergasted.  Naruto simply snorted in amusement, distracted as he tucked his book back into his bag.  “Liar,” he intoned fondly, but it sounded different to his ears.  He glanced up, taking in Kakashi’s curious look and Sakura’s scandalized expression.

 _That_ was why it had sounded different.  Normally Sakura and he timed the word together, a double accusation.  But this Sakura did not know Kakashi, did not have the courage to call the jounin out on his bullshit.  Naruto had _forgotten_.  He turned from them quickly to hide his scowl, zipping his backpack up before he turned back.  The smile on his face was so big he closed his eyes with it so he would not have to _look_.

It was difficult, seeing the man before him.  He was so close to him, and yet at the same time they could not be further apart.  It was harder than he thought it would be.  The age gap was once again a pressing matter, but this time Naruto really was just a child.  And he was currently Kakashi’s _student_.  He did not know if that was against the rules but he doubted Kakashi would be into that kind of thing. 

His sensei had not even seen Naruto as an adult until the last year before he had died.  Naruto had been twenty-four at the time.

_-“How do you even know what that means?” Stunned, blush creeping upon exposed skin. Mask failing to hide, twitching, uncomfortable._

_"Please, Kashi,” scoff, chuckle, blush.  “I’m hardly a kid anymore.  I know all about where babies really come from.  Besides, Ero-Sannin told me-” gloved hand slapped over open mouth.  Confusion.  The scent of dogs, cinnamon, ozone, and fresh rain._

_Finger in face, silencing. “We are so not having this conversation.” Pull away, shifting, uncomfortable._

_Muffled laughter. “But Kakashi-”_

_“Shut it!”_

_Silence, cicadas chirping, quiet broken. “So… have you done that?”_

_Mortification, gray eye wide, blush red as blood.-_

His heart ached from the distance that stood between them, and yet he knew that they would never _-could never-_ be.  Even if by some miracle, Kakashi did show interest, he would not want Naruto now, not after he had been soiled as he was.  He was disgusting and unlovable; a child who once loved the world and wanted nothing other than to be loved and accepted in return could now no longer stand the sight of himself or the touch of another human being.

The sound of bells pulled him from his musings and Naruto turned to Kakashi as the man dangled two tiny metal balls in front of their faces.  “This is set to noon,” he gestured to the alarm.  “Today’s mission is to take these bells away from me by noon.  Those of you who fail don’t get lunch and you’ll be tied to that pole while I eat it before your very eyes.”

Sakura gasped in outrage even as her own stomach grumbled with how hungry she was.  She had no idea what she was thinking when she decided to start that new diet last night and skipped dinner.  Beside her Sasuke seemed to deflate.  Naruto just scowled at their sensei.

“So that was the point of not eating breakfast,” Sasuke intoned quietly and she sighed dejectedly.

“Hold on,” Sakura cut in, perking up from her position and taking two steps towards the tall man.  “Why are there only two bells?”

Kakashi smiled at her, humming in amusement.  “There are only two, so at the very least one of you will have to be tied to the pole.  The person or people that are, will be disqualified for failing the mission and will return to the academy.” He jangled the bells as he spoke, as if to mock them with it. 

Naruto did not realize how much enjoyment Kakashi had taken in tormenting them when they were little.  “It might just be one of you, or it could be all three,” he laughed at their expressions.  “You can use your shuriken.  You won’t be able to take the bells unless you come at me with the intent to kill.”

At first his words set her on edge, but then confusion set in.  Something about the test made no sense.  If she had not just read Naruto’s book she would have believed Kakashi-sensei about going back to the academy, but now she knew better.  Genin teams consisted of three people and their sensei, there was no exception.  If there was an odd number of graduates then a student would be placed with a previous graduating year that had lost one of their members.

“But that makes n-” Sakura nearly shouted as Kakashi attached the bells to his belt.  Sasuke’s hand on her arm cut her off mid-sentence.  She turned to him bewildered, but the Uchiha only frowned and shook his head.  She fell silent and stepped back towards the group.

Kakashi frowned at the interaction but did not say anything.  “You will begin when I give the signal.  Ready?” He smiled at them as the children crouched in anticipation.  Gai would have been waxing poetic about the exuberance of youth if he were here.  “Start!”

They darted away quickly, taking to the trees while they tried to hide their presence.  Kakashi remained in the open while they settled themselves.  Before, they had all come at Kakashi separately, and failed spectacular.  Naruto drew in a deep breath and darted to where he could smell Sakura _-sunshine, honey nectar, salt water in ocean waves-_ and as he approached he saw Sasuke already with her.

That solved one of his problems at least.

They were crouched in a tree, Sasuke higher up for a better view of their teacher while Sakura’s eyes darted from bush to rock.  When her gaze settled on him, Naruto realized that it was he who she was looking for.

She hissed quietly to get his attention, waving a hand that held a kunai in her direction.  He smiled brightly and made his way over, climbing the tree quickly and settling on the branch next to her.

“This whole thing is a setup,” she hissed, explaining slowly like she did not expect him to understand.  “Genin teams are made of three, always three.  Kakashi-sensei either has to send all of us back to the academy or none of us.”

Sasuke grunted above them to let them know he had heard.  “He is jounin,” Sasuke added quietly.  “We have no idea what his skills are and no way of knowing without engaging him.”

“But engaging him without knowing is unwise,” Sakura cut in quickly.  “We need a way to watch him fight without putting ourselves in danger.”

“I know that al-” Sasuke snapped at her only to be cut off as Naruto interjected before they got too loud and gave their position away.

“I have an idea,” he whispered quietly to get them to be silent.  It seemed wrong that they were so loud.

- _Light steps, advancing further into foliage.  Stay hidden, stay in the shadows.  Quiet now, if they can’t hear you they can’t find you.  Urgency, desperation, so little time.  Wrong step, twig snap.  Chakra flare, eyes in the trees, surrounded.  Flee, don’t let them catch you.”-_

“I can use kage-bunshin,” he told them, voice near silent over the stillness of the forest.  Sasuke shifted down to hear him better, perching himself on a nearby branch.  “I’ve got crazy chakra reserves, I’ll force him to engage me and you watch his movements.  I’ll be too busy to look for openings so you need to do that for me.  I will try to keep him fighting as long as possible and then retreat back here so we can come up with a plan.”

Sakura bit her lip, brow furrowing in the way that Naruto recognized she used when in strategy meetings.  He gave her a moment, let her pick apart his plan as he trusted Sasuke to keep an eye on Kakashi and let them know if he moved locations.  After a long moment she nodded her head and Naruto sighed in relief.

He turned back to the clearing, getting ready to spar with his sensei.  Naruto had to be extremely careful if he did not want to get found out.  Luckily his bunshin would hold the same henge that he was under but that was not the problem.  The problem was nearly a decade of guerilla warfare and kill-not-maim tactics that had been ingrained into his very being.  Part of him was excited to finally test what this body could do, the other was terrified that either it would do too well or not enough.

Brushing the thought from his mind, he would either have to dumb down his fighting style or spend the next few months training his ass off, he brought his fingers together to call his kage-bunshin.  Before he could complete the movement, a hand on his arm stilled his actions.  His body twitched and he flinched from the contact, skin shuddering as Sakura held his wrist.

Gaze riveted on the pale hand, his muscles trembled as if it could rid itself of the unwanted contact, body reminded of the last person to touch him.  He did not like it, did not like the contact, the way his body reacted to it.  All his life he sought out human contact and now…and now.

- _Arm twisting behind, too far, too much.  Breaking, snap.  Screaming, laughter.  “That’s it, scream for me.” Push, thrust, yank.  “You have such a pretty voice,” hand on throat, pulling back.  Lungs burning, can’t breathe.  Good arm grabbing, pulling, struggling.  “That’s it, fight it boy.  Nngh, yeah, just like that,” thrust, pull, push._

_“Fuck, uhng, yeah.  So fucking tight, ride me boy,” struggling, fighting, begging.  “You want me to break the other one?” Hand on ass, smack, whimper.  Laughing.  “Ahh, nngh, oh yeah, just like that.” Bounce, bounce, thrust.  “Fuck, ahh, ahh, ungh. Faster!”-_

**“Stop,”** Kurama’s voice pulled him back into the now and he turned startled eyes on Sakura’s pale face.  She was looking at him like she had just come to some sort of realization that left her floored.  He frowned at her in confusion, but inside he could feel himself panicking _-what if she knew, oh gods.  What if she knew?!-_ **“Stop!”**

“Sakura-chan?” Naruto questioned her softly as she continued to stare at him, stunned.  After a moment she pulled her hand slowly from his wrist, fingers lifting up instead of dragging along his skin as if to limit the physical contact to the bare minimum.  He was thankful for it, even if it meant that she was aware of the damage she had caused by touching him. 

Naruto turned from her, ashamed, and her hand twitched back towards him.  For a moment he thought she would touch him again, but he saw her visibly restrain herself, fingers curling into her own shirt as if to hold herself back from doing so.

Sakura looked up at him, lips parting to speak and he dreaded what she would say.  She paused there, words on the tip of her tongue before she swallowed thickly and her mouth moved to create different words instead.  “Be careful, Naruto.”

He nodded towards her but could not bring himself to look her in the eyes.  Bringing his fingers back up, he called five kage-bunshin into creation and launched himself from the tree.  He did not know what she knew but she was made of aware of _something_ and that left Naruto unbalanced.  He did not like the way her expression had made him feel.  It felt like his skin was too hot and chest too tight. 

He felt dirty when she looked at him like that.

Skin shuddering, he forced himself to calm as made his way to Kakashi.  He could not afford to do this here, not now, not in public, not around _people._   Breathing deeply, he moved from one shadow to the next as he pulled his scattered thoughts back together in the semblance of sanity and labeled it normal. 

“Later,” he told himself, whispering the word over and over like a mantra.  Later, when he was in the privacy of his own home he would let himself shatter into a thousand pieces of twisted memories.  Later.

0~Page_Break~0

Kakashi sat upon a log, reading his infamous orange book, and being the epitome of boredom.  His students were remarkably well hidden…for genin that was.  If Kakashi was really pressed to find them he would flare his chakra to pinpoint their location, but with such a large difference between their skills, Kakashi felt like that would be cheating.

Although his little students were playing it safe, Kakashi could not help but feel a little disappointed.  He had hoped one of them would at least be a little reckless if not entertaining.  If he had been a betting man, he would have lost as all his money would have been on Naruto attacking him within the first minute.

Sadly, he had not seen hide nor hair of the little blonde jinchuuriki and it had already been well past ten minutes.  Kakashi paused in his reading of the Icha Icha book and went over what he knew about his students.

So far Sakura was the most stable of the three.  Her home life was steady if not good, with parents that were both loving and attentive.   Aside from her little obsession with the Uchiha heir, she was a fairly normal person for one with a civilian family.  He was unsure how _that_ would affect her. 

Most of the time, civilians are disillusioned to what the life of a shinobi really was.  Their children joined the academy with hero stories in their heads and determination in their hearts.  Most quite before they get too deep into the life.  Some died.  It was too soon to tell if Sakura would be one of the few that flourished as a kunoichi.

Sasuke was dealing with post traumatic stress and severe depression.  It clung to him like a physical thing, dragging him down even as he tried so hard to keep going forward.  Kakashi was surprised when he discovered that the Hokage had not made it a priority to get the boy counseling.  Perhaps he thought that since Sasuke was an Uchiha he would just cope.  Well…the boy _was_ coping, just not in a very healthy way.

His obsession with killing his brother was going to lead him down a dark path, one that Kakashi doubted had a light at the end.  Either his brother would kill him or Sasuke would kill himself.   Kakashi needed to be careful with how he handled the Uchiha if he wanted to prevent such a fate.

It was Naruto who was the most unstable of the three, which was surprising.  According to his records, the boy was mostly sound if a little eccentric and mischievous.  Talking with the boy’s chuunin teacher only left him even more confused.  In his frustration at Kakashi’s insistence, Iruka had marched over to his filing cabinet, ripped it open, and threw Uzumaki’s file down upon the desk and demanded he read it…all of it.

The file was massive, the majority consisting of detentions, suspensions, and warnings.  The boy was constantly tardy, sleeping in class, loud, and was constantly pulling pranks.  Some of them were impressive.  He wondered how the boy had painted the Hokage Mountain without anyone noticing.

What the file did not consist of was what Kakashi had seen that day: apathy.  Everything written in the papers portrayed a boisterous, fun loving, happy-go-lucky kid, if a little lonely.  Even today had confirmed his suspicions about the boy.  He may have tried to hide his expressions, but Kakashi caught melancholy on more than one occasion.

Naruto had strange reactions to situations.  Most of the time it appeared as if he had choreographed everything, his body going through the motions but his heart somewhere else.  It was those few moments when a genuine reaction slipped through his carefully planned act that Kakashi found most interesting.

It seemed that Naruto Uzumaki had done something that not even the infamous copycat Kakashi Hatake could accomplish: he had created a layer that no one could detect.  Naruto had created an invisible mask and nobody had even noticed.

He wondered what lay behind the mask that the jinchuuriki had erected.  Part of him doubted he even wanted to know.  Masks were only created by those with something to hide, usually by the desperate or the monstrous.

Kakashi was drawn from his thoughts as Naruto burst into the clearing, kunai in hand and determination in every line of his body.  Smiling, the jounin kept his book but he did at least stand to face the boy.  Naruto’s face twisted in annoyance as Kakashi blatantly kept on reading and the former Anbu pondered if it was a true emotion or not.  There was only one way to find out.

Kakashi smirked as Naruto lunged at him.


	5. Abyssus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And when you look into an abyss, the abyss also looks into you.” Friedrich Nietzsche

“Alright!” Naruto yelled at him, posing a dozen meters away while he waved a kunai at the man.  “Let’s face off, fair and square!”

Kakashi sighed, almost disappointed.  He had hoped that the boy would come at him with serious intent, but Naruto seemed determined to play by his own rules.  It was only the hesitant and almost feral look in the boy’s eyes that kept Kakashi interested and on edge.  “Aren’t you a strange one…” Kakashi mumbled quietly to himself.

“What’s strange is your hairstyle!” Naruto snapped and Kakashi was surprised despite himself.  The jinchuuriki must have enhanced senses to be able to hear him from so far away.

“I’ll teach you the first shinobi battle jutsu: taijutsu,” Kakashi informed him as he turned away, bringing the book back up.  Seconds drew out into nearly a minute and yet Naruto did not charge him.  “What’s wrong, why don’t you come at me?” Kakashi finally asked, bored.

He tilted his head to take in the boy.  Naruto was crouched, balanced on the balls of his feet as he prepared for an attack.  It was a good stance, steady and affective.  After another long moment of silence, Naruto finally spoke.  “Hey…what’s up with the book?”

“I am curious about what happens next,” Kakashi replied, his single eye fixing back upon the pages.  “Don’t worry, with you kids as opponents, it makes no difference if I am reading or not.”

Naruto scowled at him, spinning the kunai into his fist as he lunged at his teacher.  Kakashi ducked under the first kick.  It was well executed and surprisingly quick, if a tad sloppy.  The boy was enthusiastic, but his movements were random and uncoordinated.  Stepping over a leg swipe then around a punch, Kakashi let Naruto have his fun for several seconds before he crouched behind the boy.

“Ninja shouldn’t let the enemy take them from behind multiple times, chibi,” he declared as Naruto froze in his punch position.  Book folded between his palms, he positioned his fingers and smiled mischievously.

Sakura watched the exchange closely, Sasuke doing the same next to her.  “The way his hands are positioned…is that the sign of the tiger?” She asked quietly.

“That sign is a fire-type skill,” Sasuke replied, equally as soft.  “That idiot teacher’s doing more than just running around.”

Sakura would have scowled at the blatant disrespect if she was not so worried for Naruto’s safety.  “No way! With Naruto as his opponent, that’s too strong a ninjutsu no matter which one he uses.  Naruto!” She shouted, dropping from the tree and giving away her position.  “Get out of there quick! You’ll die!”

Kakashi glanced over at her, impressed with her willingness to sacrifice her advantage in order to warn her teammate.  “Too late. Leaf village secret! Ultimate taijutsu! One thousand years of death!”

He lunged forward, fingers posed.  The boy looked back at him and Kakashi glanced at him to relish in his look of terror, but that was not the expression on the boy’s face.  No, Naruto had a look of glee and Kakashi hesitated for just a second, but that second was long enough for the jinchuuriki to take advantage.

Naruto spun, flash of light upon metal revealed the thin wire within pale fingers.  Suddenly Naruto’s earlier erratic attacks made sense.  Kakashi was surprised and a little impressed with him, even as used kawarimi to evade the wire that had been tightening around his legs.  Naruto’s vicious smirk gave him pause before he realized that he had just stepped into another trap.

Suddenly there were five more Naruto’s lunging at the jounin, kunai all poised and aimed with lethal intent.  Kage-bunshin at his age was impressive, but he doubted the boy could hold them for more than a minute at a time.  Shadow clones were chakra guzzlers as opposed to their weaker and less solid clone that took very little chakra to create.

Kakashi slipped his book away as he flipped over the head of one of the bunshin, a kunai dispelling it quickly before the remaining four pressed their advantage.  The real Naruto kept back from the attack, throwing ninja stars and kunai to distract his teacher.  Kakashi caught two of the stars with his fingers before he tossed them and dispelled two more of the bunshin.

He lunged for the real Naruto with the opening he made.  The boy looked surprised as Kakashi closed the distance between them in less than a second.  Gathering just enough strength in his hand to incapacitate the boy, he drove his fist into his stomach.

Air rushed from Naruto’s lungs and he gagged.  Kakashi smirked, before the kid dispelled.  With nothing to counteract the rest of his swing, Kakashi over compensated and stumbled to regain his footing as he tried to shake of his surprise.  Another bunshin…then where was the original?

The air next to Kakashi was displaced and he heard the bells jingle before he spun out of reach.  He jumped back several paces and crouched down.  Naruto (the real one?) was on all fours where Kakashi had just stood, hand fisted around nothing and scowl on his face.

He had been so close, his fingertips had brushed against the metal but the jounin had fled before he could close his fist over them.  Kakashi was impressed, the jinchuuriki had speed, faster than what he had anticipated.  Kakashi would not underestimate him again.  Standing slowly, the jounin let his arm drop to caress the bells to make sure that they were still there.

“I’m impressed,” he commented after a long moment of silence where Naruto continued to glare at him from his crouched position.  “No one has ever gotten that close.”

Naruto’s smirk left him feeling a little uneasy.  The twist of his lips was nothing like Minato-sensei’s nor was it like Kushina’s.  There was something inherently sinister about the look on Naruto’s face, something that was all Naruto.  Before Kakashi could react, the boy in front of him dispelled as well.

Twirling, Kakashi searched for the real Naruto, but he found himself alone in the clearing.  Laughing softly, the jounin found himself truly amused for the first time by a genin.  The boy was certainly interesting.

0~Page_Break~0

“That man is an idiot,” Sasuke mumbled as Naruto joined the rest of his team at their new location.  “What was his plan if not to use a ninjutsu?”

Naruto grinned sardonically at him.  “I’m pretty sure he was going to shove his fingers up my ass,” even as the words left his mouth he fought the memories that came with it.

_-“Come now, Naruto-kun…surely you can take more,” laughing, shove, shoving, pushing. Oh gods, it hurts so bad._

_“Please…Stop! I can’t!” Crying, begging, pleading.  Answering laughter, another inch deeper.-_

Sakura’s face twisted in disgust, whether it was at his crass words or Kakashi’s ultimate taijutsu technique he did not know.  Sasuke just shook his head in exasperation.  “Like I said…an idiot.”

“Well that _idiot_ is a jounin level shinobi.  He never let his guard down even when he _was_ fighting Naruto…no offence meant,” she added hastily, as if the jinchuuriki was offended.  “I just meant that you are a genin.”

“I know, Sakura-chan,” Naruto smiled softly at her.  He paused, startled as his chest became warm in genuine amusement.  That was certainly interesting.  It had been a long time since he felt positive emotions.  “So what’s our plan?”

Sakura’s face scrunched up again as Sasuke shifted to a higher branch to keep lookout.  If they wanted to get the bells before their time was out, their plan had to be flawless.  “Um, guys…” Sasuke’s hesitant voice did little to break her concentration as she tried to come up a strategy that was both safe and effective.  “Guys!”

“Quiet!” She snapped, glaring at the Uchiha.  “We don’t want Kakashi-sensei to hear us.”

“That’s just it,” he hissed back, dropping down to their branch.  “The idiot teacher is gone.”

There was a long silence as they gazed at each other in what Naruto considered to be an innocent version of terror.  They had not experienced true terror…not yet.  If Naruto had his way they never would.

“Shit!” She seethed even as they all spun to turn their attention to their surroundings.  “He could be anywhere!”

“Alright,” Naruto cut in before she got any louder.  “I’ll flush him out with my shadow clones.  Once I locate him, Sasuke, you come in heavy with the taijutsu.  Between the two of us we may be able to distract him long enough for Sakura to get the bells.”

“Me!” She cried heatedly.  “Why do I have to get the bells?”

Sasuke turned to her, eyes dark with annoyance.  “Because he won’t be expecting you.”

“Don’t worry, Sakura-chan,” Naruto caught her attention with a delicate smile.  “We’ll keep him occupied.  All you have to do is dart in, grab the bells and dart out…you can do this.”

“Right,” she turned from him, eyes fixated on the branch below her feet.  “I can do this.”

With one more nod between them, they launched themselves in separate directions.  Seconds later a dozen shadow clones were spelled into existence.  With a loud cry that was neither stealthy nor ninja like, they set off to flush out the famous copycat-nin.

0~Page_Break~0

“You all…Pass!” Kakashi exclaimed loudly, looking upon the three preteens with something akin to pride.  They had seen through his test and worked together as a team.  It was not flawless and both Naruto and Sasuke were in each other’s way more than they were out of it but they had tried.

He had been honestly astounded when Sakura had sprung from the bushes, not enough that she was successful in retrieving the bells, but it was rather remarkable that they had actually come up with a plan in so little of time.  Kakashi was almost disappointed that the team had not been able to steal the bells from him, but he already knew that it was a longshot at best.  Perhaps in a few more years with more training under their belts.

“Yatta!” Sakura and Naruto both shouted loudly.  The blonde jumped in the air, fists pumped and smile wide while the kunoichi jumped on Sasuke, grappling him into a happy hug.  Kakashi thought that the boy’s horrified expression was rather comical and he had to suppress a chuckle that was threatening to bubble to the surface.

The jounin straightened, still smiling and book away for once, grabbing the three children’s wondering attention.  “How did you figure it out?”

The pink haired girl beamed at him with a grin that made her face look too wide.  She had a death grip on the Uchiha’s arm and was hugging it to her body.  Sasuke was glaring at the ground but he stopped trying to fight her off.  Kakashi knew from personal experience that sometimes it was better just to give in and accept your fate when it came to crazy and obsessed kunoichi.  He shuddered as he thought upon Anko.  That woman was terrifying.

“It wasn’t that hard,” she started, pride and adrenaline flushing her skin a bright pink.  It was almost endearing.  Kakashi had to be careful or he would easily find himself attached to his genin.  People he became attached too had the unpleasant tendency of dying far too soon. 

“Naruto had this book that was _all_ about becoming a genin,” he raised his eyebrow and turned to the boy even as Sakura kept talking.  The blonde was scratching the back of his head in embarrassment and Kakashi fought not narrow his eye in suspicion.  The action looked rehearsed.  “Genin teams are always three, not two.  Your test wasn’t about _getting_ the bells, you just wanted to see if we would work together as a team.”

He laughed in amusement at her accusation.  Her tone was bordering insubordinate but he did not reprimand her.  “Well, you figured me out…good job.  A ninja must see through deception, in our world those who break rules and codes are branded as scum.  But those who abandon their friends are worse than scum.  Okay, team, meet at the bridge tomorrow at seven for our first real mission.  Don’t be late.”

“Actually seven or your version of seven?” Naruto questioned and Kakashi turned to him quickly.  The boy’s expression twisted into startled and then slightly green before he hid it behind an embarrassed smile.  He had not meant to say that and that action was more telling than Kakashi realized at the moment.

“Naruto!” Sakura spun towards him, swiping a hand as if to smack the back of his head.  It fell quite short and Kakashi was starting to believe that she had intentionally done so.  “Don’t talk to Kakashi-sensei like that.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Naruto just scratched the back of his head and laughed, dodging Sakura’s barely attempted swipe.  His posture screamed boisterous and at ease, but Kakashi could tell he was uncomfortable.  Sakura fixed him with a glare a moment longer as if to make sure he really was apologetic, before turning her attention back to Sasuke who was already a good distance away.

“Sasuke-kun!” She shouted, running after him.

Naruto started to follow after them, but a hand on his shoulder halted his progress.  Kakashi frowned as the boy flinched under his touch.  Naruto dropped his weight, hand reaching for his kunai as he prepared to throw himself forward out of reach.  At the last moment he seemed to remember himself and aborted the movement.  Instead of what Kakashi could only assume was going to be a hold-break and counter-attack, Naruto just appeared as if he had a small seizure.  It would have been comical if it was not so sad.

The shoulder beneath his hand was tense and Kakashi could feel the muscles quivering.  He left it there a moment longer before he slowly removed it, fingers trailing on the orange jacket as he pulled the limb back to his side.  Naruto kept his back to him for a few seconds, shoulders raising once and then lowering slowly as if preparing himself before he turned to him.

A jolt went through Kakashi’s heart and settled uncomfortably somewhere in his lower stomach as the jinchuuriki smiled at him.  The mask the boy wore had slipped.  It was almost imperceptible and he would not have noticed the change if he had not been actively looking for it.

Naruto’s body was relaxed, deceptively so.  His face bright and cheerful.  But his eyes were squinted a little too much with the smile and the small sliver that Kakashi could see of them set him on edge.  The boy’s eyes looked feral, and for a moment, he could have sworn that the pupils were slit, but the moment passed and the mask slid firmly into place and Naruto’s eyes shuttered before they too were smiling.

Kakashi frowned at him.  The boy was good, for his age the jounin would even go so far to say genius in his disguise.  A few more years and nobody would ever be able to tell the difference.

“Did you need something, Kakashi-sensei?” Naruto asked innocently.  The way he tacked the honorific at the end of his name, as if in afterthought, left Kakashi confused.  He could not tell if the boy was being insubordinate or simply forgetful.

“Maa, Naruto-kun,” he forced himself to ignore how his student flinched at the endearment.  With a reaction like that it could only mean one thing.  Somebody had called him Naruto-kun, either somebody he trusted or somebody he did not.  Either way, that somebody had clearly hurt him in some way and Kakashi made a mental note to never say it again if it disturbed the boy so.  “I would really like to see this book that Sakura mentioned.”

“Sure, sensei,” the boy scoffed, eyes fixated at a point just over the jounin’s shoulder.  That was another odd thing he noticed about him.  Naruto had a hard time _looking_ at people.  It was curious.  “Right after you let me see _your_ book.”

Kakashi blinked in surprise, the sarcastic wit was unexpected but not unwelcome.  Naruto’s face after was also amusing.  Clearly he had not meant to say _that_ either and he seemed to scowl at himself before his face morphed back into the pleasant mask.  Even if he had not meant to speak in such a way the jinchuuriki did not reach for his backpack to retrieve the book.  At least he stood by what he had said.

He could not help himself, Kakashi laughed.  Naruto seemed startled by the action, shuffling further away from him.  “Fair enough,” the jounin added, easing himself into a more lax posture in order to ease some of the tension.  Instead of relaxing, Naruto’s eyes narrowed at him in suspicion. 

Kakashi frowned softly, lifting a hand as if to ruffle the blonde hair so much like Minato’s, but Naruto’s eyes widened and Kakashi stopped himself.  The boy was physically restraining himself from reacting in any sort of way, but the jounin could tell that his initial reaction was to flinch from the contact. 

The blue eyes actually darted to his hands before flicking back to the forest behind.  It took Kakashi longer than he liked to place the action, but when he did it left an odd ache in his chest.  That was a reaction born of fear…the boy was afraid of _him_.

Something that very much resembled ash must have gotten passed his mask and into his mouth.  That was the only explanation for how dry his throat suddenly was.  A jounin’s students should never have the need to fear their sensei…but this one did.  Kakashi did not like the feeling it left in his chest.

“Was that all?” Naruto asked, voice tight despite the obvious effort he put into it to make it sound relaxed.  The jinchuuriki winced and his blue eyes once again darted to him and away as if too check to make sure he was not angry. 

Kakashi sighed softly…he must have had bad experiences with angry people.  The jounin remembered the boy’s landlord _-the little shit’s not here-_ and he understood.  Naruto grew up with angry people.  Kakashi smiled softly, a truly genuine one, to let the child know that everything was alright.  Indiscernibly, he would not have noticed if he was not actively looking, Naruto’s tension seemed to ease some.

“That was all,” he answered, keeping his tone soft and posture loose.  “Would you like me to walk you home?”

Surprisingly, Naruto scowled at him.  “No,” he bit out.  At first he thought the attitude was from a childish form of independence, but the boy baffled him yet again.  “I think you have seen enough of my apartment.”

Kakashi blinked in astonishment.  So Naruto knew that he and the Hokage had been in his apartment yesterday…but how?  The jinchuuriki crossed his arms, either in defiance or unease he could not tell, as he glared at him with _blue_ eyes so much like Minato’s.  Somehow, Kakashi got the impression that the boy blamed the jounin for his outburst.

“How did you know?” Kakashi asked suspiciously.  Naruto’s eyes darted to him and away so quickly that he almost missed it.  The body language he was displaying was relaxed if a little defensive, but the former Anbu was not so easily fooled.  The kid was ready to make a break for it the second Kakashi gave him an opening.

Forcing himself calm, Kakashi eased back a little, straightening so he was not leaning over the genin, giving Naruto a little more room.  Not enough to escape if he was tempted, but enough to at least feel like he was not caged.  It seemed to work after a moment as Naruto shifted uncertainly, arms coming down to play with the bottom of his obnoxiously orange jacket.

He mumbled something too soft for Kakashi to hear and when he made a questioning noise in the back of his throat, the boy flushed.  “I said I could smell you…” the last word was nearly whispered as he fixed his gaze on the ground.

So Kakashi was right, the boy had enhanced senses just like he himself did.  He briefly wondered if it was an inherited trait that had been dormant in his parents or a perk from the kyuubi.  Casting the thought aside, Kakashi could not help the feeling of fond amusement at the picture the boy painted.  His embarrassment may or may not have been faked, but the child was adorable when he was all bashful.

Carefully, Kakashi raised his hand and set his fingers in the golden hair.  The boy startled beneath him, head darting up in astonishment and a little fear.  Kakashi forced himself to relax and be calm as he watched Naruto fight to remain still.  “That must be a useful talent,” he spoke quietly, voice low and soft as if he was speaking to a frightened wild animal.

He ruffled the hair with gentle fingers, movements slow and telegraphed so Naruto would not startle.  It was a lot softer than he thought it would be.  “Go home and get some rest,” He murmured tenderly before he straightened, pulling himself out Naruto’s personal space.  The jinchuuriki remained tense and Kakashi fought not to frown.  Clearly the boy did not like being touched.  “Tomorrow will be a busy day, you’re going to need your strength,” and just like that the jinchuuriki was gone.

Kakashi was left staring at where Naruto had stood, a quizzical expression on his face.  He moved faster then, fleeing from his jounin-sensei, than he had in training.  He wondered why.  Sighing once again, Kakashi started his walk home as he thought upon his predicament.  The child did not trust him, but as his jounin-sensei, the boy could not afford _not_ to.

He would just have to earn Naruto’s trust then.  It would take time, there was no shortcut to trust, but as his teacher he now had all the time in the world.  Eventually Naruto would open up to him, he just hoped that when he finally did, it would not be too late.


	6. Cavum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “When the fox hears the rabbit scream he comes a-runnin’, but not to help.” –Thomas Harris

Time travel was a wonderful thing…in theory.  It was based upon the principle of infinite possibilities that one could experience, each decision like a branch in the reality of the universe.  Given the opportunity there is not a soul out there who would turn down the chance of rewriting their own history, plunging through their tree to a lower branch and following a different path to see where it would take them.

But the one thing that that a time traveler was failed to be informed about, happened to be something commonly overlooked.  It was _boring_.

Currently, team seven was engaged in training missions and team work exercises.  That would translate most accurately into D-ranked missions.  Somehow, Naruto had forgotten all about them.  The time between graduating the academy and the beginning of the chuunin exams were missing from his memory.  When he tried to recall them, it felt like he was looking at his reflection in a rushing river, he could see his outline but none of the details.

It was disconcerting…he was not coping very well at all.

When Kurama had dragged his unhappy ass back into the past, Naruto thought the most difficult thing he would have to deal with was getting his old self back into fighting shape and saving as many of his precious people as possible.  Fighting with Kakashi-sensei proved that it would be one of his many obstacles.

Naruto’s muscle memory was on point, it was his brain that got in the way.  His body knew exactly what it needed to do to reach his goal, but his mind was twisting everything up trying to convince his muscles that his reach was longer, his center of balance taller.  In the end it made him just look sloppy, like one who had read all the techniques and movements but had never actually attempted to implement them before.

He was his own worst enemy, in more ways than one.  What turned out to be the most challenging aspect of his new _­-old-_ life was not his body, it was his mind…his very being was the problem.  _Existing_ was the problem.

Going about his life, day-to-day, doing normal things, watching _people_ do normal things was surreal.  Starting every morning being yanked cruelly from his nightmares _-memories-_ meeting his team for training and missions, conversing with old _-dead-_ friends, even grocery shopping…it was just too much.

Everything was so seemingly _normal_.  Naruto did not know how to react – so he tried not to react at all.  The blonde jinchuuriki plastered the too big and too wide smile upon his sun kissed face and labeled it normal.  He pulled the broken pieces of his mind together, connected them with splintered shards of shattered dreams and called himself whole.

Deft fingers _-clean and undamaged and unbroken-_ pulled weeds out of the nearly overtaken garden and Naruto pretended he was happy.  He pretended for _them_ , his teammates and precious people, who were sweltering in the heat beside him, piling their weeds next to his.  They _-not the old they, not his they-_ were not accustomed to such labor, their skin already burning in the cloudless day, sweating from the heat, fingers beginning to tremble from the grab-pull-drop-repeat.

These muscles of his, though more defined because of what Kurama had done to him, were also unaccustomed to hard work.  He hid his discomfort well, though.  This seemed like nothing in comparison to what the years ahead would bring.  It was surprising what the human body _-not human, you’re a monster now…remember-_ could become used to…the pain it could learn to tolerate.

Cerulean blue eyes took in the form of his once friends.  Sakura had tied her hair back long ago, parts escaping only to be brushed back by annoyed fingers.  Her skin was bright red as she panted in the noon day sun.  Arms trembled from the exertion as she smeared dirt upon her cheek.  But there was a determined twist to her lips that reminded him so much of his _-not mine, not ever, I won’t let it-_ Sakura.

_-Eyes piercing, demanding. “Do you understand?” Slow, careful. Words carefully formed, lips twisting with them. Just do as you’re told, please!_

_Shift, uncomfortable, look away. “I don’t see why-”_

_“Do you understand, Naruto?!” Again, face pinched. Why won’t you just comply?_

_“Don’t ask me to leave them,” begging, pleading. We can’t become them, can’t be like that, why can’t you see? “I won’t leave them there.”_

_“Yes,” pink hair framing grimacing face, determined. “You will.” Compliance.-_

Naruto could not bring his eyes to hers when she looked like that.

_You’re a monster now…remember?_

Sakura worked diligently next to him, mouth pressed tightly closed as she went about her assignment like she was getting something a lot more vital out of it other than a weeded garden.  Her silence was new, something Naruto knew that she had not developed until she was sixteen and her childhood fantasies crushed beneath an unforgiving fist _-his fist, beating heart exploding under trembling fingers-_ it was different this time around.

Sasuke’s shirt was drenched in his perspiration, a prominent frown etched onto his face as if it were a marble sculpture, chiseled lines in stone instead of smooth muscle that was easily pliable.  The back of his neck had turned an unhealthy bright red where the sun was shining directly onto his exposed skin.

Naruto saw Sakura’s green eyes dart to her crush, brows drawing together as a sense of sadness hung over her like a cloud.  Just a week ago they had been gathering trash by the nearby creek.  Sakura had said something that Naruto did not hear and Sasuke had turned to her, black eyes tight as he glared.

What Sasuke had told her he never did find out, but it had crushed the cherry blossom’s heart.  Naruto had watched from a distance her face crumble, shoulders pulling forward and posture becoming huddled as if to shield her from what had been spoken.  Sasuke had scoffed then, turning from her as if she was beneath him and not worth his time…as if she was dirt under his shoes.

_-“I don’t need you, I don’t need any of you,” words bold, blizzard, ice in the wind._

_“Sasuke…” sad, pleading. “You don’t have to go.” We need you, please stay. We can figure something out. Don’t leave us._

_Scoff, glare. Incredulous painted upon hollow cheeks. “Idiot, all you do is hold me back.” Gone.-_

Naruto vaguely remembered a similar incident between his two teammates years ago.  It was raining that day, water falling from the sky to drench them like they had personally offended the heavens.  Words of annoyance had seeped from pale pink lips and the last loyal Uchiha had lost it.  Sakura had turned from him, hands to her face as she tried to mask the tears falling down her cheeks as rain. 

Naruto had comforted her then, simpering fool that he had been.  He had cursed and raged at his other teammate for making his _-not his, I won’t let her-_ Sakura weep.  Sakura had rallied herself quickly, calling him an idiot and slamming her fist down upon his head and just like that she was back to normal…but it did not happen that way.  Not this time.

_You’re a monster now…remember?_

Naruto had let her pretend her tears were rain and turned back to the creek and continued to pick up litter.  Words of adoration and revenge were not spoken and Sakura did not bounce back.  Instead she wept, hands shaking as she sniffled and got back to work, silently. 

Kakashi had watched the exchange from his relatively dry perch in the dense tree, eye intense and book gone.  He had done that the last time as well, watching but doing nothing.  Naruto had thought it was because Kakashi believed such trivialities were beneath his level as a jounin, but as he observed the man from the corner of his eye he saw him shift his weight from one leg to the other.

Cerulean blue had widened in astonishment and Naruto fought not to turn and blatantly stare at him.  Kakashi was fidgeting…he was _uncomfortable_.  It was not that Sakura’s problems were unworthy of his attention, it was simply that he had no idea what to do.  The realization was mind boggling.

Naruto had quickly gotten back to work, afraid that his epiphany would draw attention to himself, even as his mind kept tumbling through the realization.  Kakashi had always seemed so sure of himself and Naruto had believed for the longest time that the copy-nin had had the answers to everything.  It was baffling to realize that Kakashi-sensei, this man in this time, was in fact younger than Naruto of _that_ time and just as uncertain as he himself had been at his age.

The jinchuuriki blinked, the nictitating membrane sliding slower than his eyelids as it cleared the water from his eyes, hidden behind his henge.  It was strange to think upon it, but Naruto was actually four years Kakashi’s senior, this Kakashi was only twenty-three…and was that not just the oddest thing.  Unfortunately, it was not strangest when it came to that man.

Every morning started nearly the same way for the jinchuuriki.  He prepared for the day while building mental walls to keep his fucked up past _-future-_ from leaking all over the current time.  Most of the time it worked, but Naruto was noticing a serious breach in his mental barriers and the cause was Kakashi himself.  Perhaps it was their shared _-not shared-_ history, or the camaraderie that he had with the man _-not this man-_ …either way Naruto noticed that when it came to his sensei he seemed to lose his verbal filter, for lack of a better term.

Ever since he was fifteen, Kakashi and he had this bizarre friendship that was equal parts caring and antagonistic.  His sensei would say something demeaning and Naruto would reply with something snarky and then they would bicker back and forth until someone, usually Sakura, threatened bodily harm if they did not stop _‘right this fucking instant!’_   It took years to get to the point where Naruto realized that Kakashi only said the things he did because he _cared._

 _I did not see you there, chibi_ ; good to see you made it back in one piece.  _Why would the hokage give a brat like you an A-class mission, you have no tact_ ; come back soon, stay safe.  _Hey brat, you look like shit…Kiba kick your ass in training again_ ; are you alright, I’m willing to listen if you want to talk.  _Go the fuck to sleep, brat_ ; I have first watch, I’ll wake you if you have nightmares again.  _Anyone ever tell you that you’re annoying_ ; laugh, please…I don’t like it when you’re sad.  _I know_ ; I trust you.

Nearly a decade of easy banter filled with antagonistic words that did little to shadow what was really meant.  Underneath the underneath.  It was not a habit Naruto realized that he needed to break…did not want to break if he was being honest _-cruel-_ to himself.  It made him feel unfaithful to Kakashi’s memory somehow, forcing himself silent when the only thing he wanted to do was argue about the importance of snowball fights or if Anko’s latest flame could actually be _the one_.

He tried, he really did, but Kakashi made it so easy _-too easy-_ to just fall back into old habits.  Then his sensei would give him a curious look while Sakura’s expression morphed into what Naruto thought was scandalized.  Later, he would promise himself that _that_ was the last time, he would keep his mouth shut.  Then Kakashi would say something else and Naruto would go right back into old habits again.

It was a vicious cycle.  A dangerous one, if he was being truthful.  This Kakashi and he did not have the same history, they were not _friends_ …they were hardly even acquaintances.  Naruto was his genin student.  If Kakashi took offense than Naruto would be written up for insubordination faster than it took to say ramen.

So far he had been lucky.  Kakashi seemed to find his reactions interesting if not a little amusing.  But Naruto knew that it would not be that way forever.  He needed to get a handle on his mouth _before_ Kakashi became annoyed…or worse, curious.

Interacting with this younger Kakashi was fascinating, to say the least.  With years of espionage, undercover work, and interrogation under him, Naruto was learning all sorts of things about his old sensei that he never knew.  After he saw his team _-old, not new-_ again, Naruto prepared himself for childish rivalries, hurtful words, and pettiness.

He tried taking steps to avoid it as much as possible by not giving his teammates any ammunition to use against him.  Naruto still acted like an idiot, but he kept his annoyance on the tolerable scale, toeing the threshold into frustration but never crossing it.  He was still happy and cheerful _-liar-_ he still was over enthusiastic _-pretender-_ and embarrassingly outgoing _-monster-_ but he was so very careful to never go further than to incite mild irritation.

Naruto prepared himself for the years of barely there tolerance and avoidance from his teacher.  Kakashi had looked to Sasuke for the longest time before his gaze turned to the blonde and finding something worthwhile as well.  And it would hurt, he knew, but Naruto had dealt with so much worse in his sickening short life…he could _-he would-_ deal with it.

_You’re a monster now…remember?_

He was ready for it too, prepared as he ever was going to be.  But then _it_ happened.  It had been just another day, two after Sakura broke under Sasuke’s cruelty, when he saw _it_.  Naruto could not remember what happened exactly, the epiphany seemed to shroud everything else in that day as unimportant, but he remembered Sakura had said _something_ and Naruto had laughed and Kakashi had sighed.

Naruto was still unsure what it was that made him look at his sensei, but for just a moment their eyes had met, cerulean blue to smoky gray, and he looked so _sad_.  Naruto had kept laughing, turning to Sakura to ask her something or the other, but the rest of him had stood to attention like he had been slapped in the face with the revelation.  He never thought about it before, but suddenly everything made sense.

Kakashi had loved Minato-sensei like a son would a father, and Naruto looked so very much like his father _-not anymore, you’re a monster now…remember-_ and at one point Minato had been _all_ the young Hatake had had left.  And then Minato had died and Kakashi was alone.

_They left me, alone, alone…gods, alone! Gone! Everyone’s gone, they just left me and oh gods wh-_

**“Enough,”** the words settled over him like a cloak, stopping his mental loop.  He sat there for a long moment, mind blank as he tried to pull himself back together.  Sweeping together the broken shards of his sanity _-quickly, put them back together before someone notices-_ and clenching his fists to keep his hands from shaking.  **“You missed a spot.”**

Naruto looked up surprised, pupils constricting as the black slowly crept back from his vision.  Taking a steady breath he reached for another weed, knees pressing into the grass as he continued his chore.  Cerulean blue flicked to his team wondering if any had noticed his momentary lapse into partial insanity, but Sakura and Sasuke continued as they had been for the past several hours.

He turned his gaze cautiously to his sensei, glancing at him from the corner of his eye and through his hair so he would not be caught.  Kakashi was lounging in the shade on the porch, drinking ice lemonade and reading his Icha Icha.  He looked as if he was on vacation, relaxed and at ease as his students slaved away.  The jinchuuriki forced his gaze back to the garden, fighting the prickle in his eyes that were threatening to become tears at the sight of him.

Naruto wondered if he had always made his teacher sad when Kakashi was forced to look at him too.

The jinchuuriki suddenly understood, the knowledge of the unintentional pain he was causing his teacher by just existing.  No wonder the man had ignored him in favor of Sasuke who, although was an Uchiha, looked nothing like Kakashi’s oldest friend.  Naruto was barely coping with his failures parading around in front of him, but Kakashi never could have the second chance that had been granted to the jinchuuriki.

He finally _understood_ , and Naruto tried to make himself less like Minato to stop Kakashi from being so sad.  Naruto made sure his laugh and his smile and his _everything_ was different than his father just so Kakashi could look at him and not see his failure.

Sakura made a soft sound next to him, a sigh that was caught by the slow wind before it could escape her fully.  For a moment, just a fraction of a second, Naruto regretted not comforting the kunoichi the week ago that had broken her heart.  But this was not _his_ Sakura…and it hurt to know that this Sakura would never be his Sakura.  He would not let her become what she once was, a broken shell of a woman; the will to fight, to help, to _be_ , leaving her until all that was left was just a withered husk of hopelessness in its wake.

Naruto had vowed to himself that he would protect her from what was to be, but he would not protect her from herself.  Sakura needed to learn, and Naruto, at the moment, could not give her any of his sympathy as he needed nearly all of his strength to act normal.  He _needed_ to be the Naruto that they remembered.  They did not want the Naruto he had become, the ruined man _-the monster-_ that was left after everything ­ _-everyone-_ was gone.

He would be anything they wanted and everything they needed because these were his precious people.  So he laughed as his fingers dug into the earth even though he broke a little more inside as each second passed.  He smiled at his teammates even as another part of him shattered into thousands of pieces.  Naruto pretended to be normal, pretended to be _whole_ , for them…because that was what they needed.

_You’re a monster now…remember?_

0~Page_Break~0

Kakashi observed his team from behind his book, eye barely peering over the top as he sipped at the cool lemonade that Yuki-chan had so kindly left for him.  There were three unused glasses next to the pitcher and he could see his students eyeing them from time to time, but they did not stop working.  They would not until he called them for a break. 

Sasuke had learned the hard way what the consequences of disregarding their teacher was.  Thousand years of death had left the Uchiha unable to sit for nearly two days.  The boy’s pain and indignation were worth the death threats and heated glares that followed for weeks afterwards.

Sakura had improved much after that little debacle with the Uchiha heir.  She had stopped her complaining and had thrown herself into her training.  She took to every mission with a sense of vigor and determination that was admirable, if not a little disturbing, even if it was something as simple as carrying groceries.  It was as if she was trying to prove Sasuke wrong with every action she took.

The jounin silently applauded her dedication, even though he frowned upon the reason for such an improvement.  But she was only twelve and still had years ahead of her for maturing.  And Kakashi wanted to give her _years_ even though he knew how unlikely that would be.  Even in a time of peace, the young lost their innocence too quickly.

Too many teams were broken apart because of the cruelty in the world and the silver haired teacher wanted to spare her that for a while longer.  Part of him believed that it was because she was such a happy child and so purely in love with life that he felt so protective, but he knew he was just disillusioning himself.  He protected her because he could not protect them.

Naruto and Sasuke had no false pretenses about the world and the brutality of the people that lived in it.  They had already lost their innocence a long time ago and the constricting feeling in his lungs made him overcompensate with the one child on his team who had no knowledge of such dark things.

A dark gray eye darted to the pale skinned avenger.  The massacre of his clan could have ended a weaker willed person, but Sasuke let his hate fill his entire being until he was drowning so deep in it that he could hardly breathe.  It was not the best way to deal with the deaths of his family, but it had kept the boy alive.

Sasuke let himself exist for the sole purpose of revenge and Kakashi was lost in what to do to pull him from the cliff edge that the boy stood on.  He was terrified that Sasuke would take that final plunge into the dark abyss.  The Uchiha may even succeed in getting his vengeance on the way down, but by then there would be no halting his fall and the abrupt stop at the bottom would surely kill him.

Kakashi watched as onyx eyes darted to his teammates and pale shoulders slowly shrugged in what he recognized as a quiet but drawn out sigh.  Sasuke held himself apart from the rest looking down upon them like one who was born superior.  Kakashi remembered being like that as well, towering above his team members and disgusted by their kindness and friendship.  He had learned, in the end…but by then it had been too late.  Kakashi wanted to spare Sasuke that pain if he could.

The jounin could see that the boy’s act was beginning to wear thin.  The effort he put into holding himself apart was starting to look like it was becoming too much as both Naruto and Sakura pulled him into one thing or the other.  It amused the former Anbu and helped to ease some of the anxiety that had built since he got assigned his team.

Naruto seemed as if he was on his own personal mission to befriend the Uchiha.  Although he and Sakura went about it in completely different ways.  Sakura tried to make Sasuke love her, flowering him with affection and endearment, batting her long lashes and blushing prettily.  Naruto, on the other hand, seemed to be under the belief that if he could not force Sasuke into reason, then he would pester him into compliance.  It was actually quite terrifying that it seemed to be the only method that worked.

After the bell test, Sakura had begun to defer to Naruto when she felt the need too and Sasuke eventually started to follow her example.  Since the incident between the two lovebirds, the kunoichi turned to the blonde even more, asking his opinion on the strangest of things in order to draw him into conversation because she could not stand the silence one second longer.  Naruto was always happy to comply and Sasuke would watch them with that aloof but sad look in his eyes.  Then the blonde would turn to him and pull him into their recent topic of discussion and for just a moment Sasuke lost the holier-than-thou attitude and his expression would brighten and he appeared _happy_.

Naruto would smile at his team as they bickered and argued and complained next to him, a goofy stretch of lips over teeth as if it had been painted on.  Kakashi would tilt his head, taking in their scents as he tried to pinpoint what about the image felt so off but his nose told him no more than his eyes did.

Occasionally, Kakashi would catch Naruto unaware and get a real reaction from him, but as time went on it became that much harder to do.  The boy seemed to be overly attentive when he was with his teacher, but the jounin _knew_ he was on guard like one would an enemy, a threat.  But sometimes, when he was with the whole team, Naruto would relax and this melancholy expression would take over.

His blue eyes would slide over the other two and he would suddenly appear so much _older_.  A deep well of patience would flow from him as he indulged his teammates in one childish thing or the other and Kakashi could _see_ that he was feigning interest and pretending enthusiasm.  And he was good at it…great even, the pretending.

That, more than anything was what bothered Kakashi the most.

He let his gray eye trail over the object of his thoughts.  Naruto Uzumaki appeared to be an orphan child who took great pleasure in tormenting his elders through pranks and complete lack of respect.  The dead last of his graduating group, he was thick headed and presumptuous.  Many had labeled him as the village idiot, his classmates included.  But it was underneath the underneath that caught the jounin’s attention.

As Kakashi took in the sight of his smallest student, he could not help but think that there was something seriously wrong with him.  He did not know what it was, but something had caused the boy to hide himself so deep that no one had noticed.  Kakashi wanted to help Naruto like the way Minato-sensei had helped him, but he had no way of going about it.  The boy did not trust him, and from all appearances Kakashi doubted the child wanted be anywhere near his teacher.  It made aiding him that much harder.

Approaching the Hokage about his suspicions had been a useless endeavor.  Sarutobi had ‘watched’ the boy grow up and had no proof to cause doubt that the front he portrayed was nothing but genuine.  He refused to listen to reason and insisted that the former Anbu was being paranoid, pushing his own tormented youth on the child and seeing problems that were not there.  It was almost frustrating enough to pull his own hair out.

Naruto’s academy instructor was even less helpful.  Iruka was under the misguided impression that Kakashi _hated_ the jinchuuriki and was trying to get the boy’s genin status revoked under mental instability.  The man refused to believe that Kakashi’s interest was from honest concern for Naruto’s mental health and that the kyuubi had absolutely nothing to do with it.  Iruka’s final reply was to shove him out the door with a fake smile and a couth remark on where he could go shove his observations.

Kakashi sighed softly in annoyance, orange book falling open in his lap as he rubbed tired fingers on the bridge of his nose to ease the tension.  Tilting his head back, he gazed up at the clouds as he forced his mind to calm.  He knew he could not approach Naruto as the boy seemed to melt into the background when with the group.  On the few occasions where he was able to get him alone, which was becoming harder to do as each day passed, Naruto was quick to make himself scarce with one excuse or another on his lips.

It was amusing in a sad sort of way as he watched his student try to think of one chore or another that had to be completed immediately in order to force Kakashi to dismiss him.  After the third time the boy evasively mumbled about watering a plant, which Kakashi knew did not actually exist, it was less amusing and more annoying.  From the way Naruto winced yesterday when the excuse passed his lips, Kakashi had not been as successful in hiding his ire like he had hoped.

A cool breeze lifted the leaves, pulling him from such thoughts as he heard his students exhale in relief from the heat.  Shifting the chair further into the shade, he gave the children a gentle smile as he called them for a break.  Sakura and Naruto both lit up in excitement, rushing over to his position and pouring lemonade with dirt covered hands.  Sasuke was slower to join them, but his pace was anything but dawdling.

Kakashi resisted the frown that was trying to tug the corner of his lips down as he watched Naruto carefully maneuver himself so his teammates were between him and his teacher.  That tight feeling was back in his chest, making it hard to breathe as Naruto tried to play the whole thing off as coincidental, but he could tell by the set of the boy’s shoulders and the quick flick of blue eyes on his gray that Naruto knew that his teacher was aware of what he had intentionally done.

Naruto turned from him quickly, shifting until Sakura blocked his form completely as if to _hide_ behind her.  Kakashi tried not to let the action affect him, but he could not stop the feeling of hurt that settled somewhere between his stomach and heart.  Naruto was his student, the one that was supposed to teach and protect him until he could protect himself.  The fact that Naruto felt like he needed protection from _him_ of all people left a burning sensation in the back of his throat.

There was something deeply wrong with the boy, of that Kakashi was sure.  With no information on what exactly it was or a way to approach him about it, the jounin was left with the uncomfortable knowledge that he would have to _wait_ for Naruto to come to him.  Fighting another sigh, he forced himself to accept that he would need to be _patient_.

Naruto needed time and Kakashi needed his trust, so Kakashi would do whatever he needed to in order to gain it…even if that meant letting the boy use Sakura as a shield and not pursuing him when he darted away with a lame excuse on trembling lips.  He would be patient, he had to be.


	7. Polluerunt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Believe me, it would be better if we didn't meet again. Go back to school. Go back to your life. And next time they ask you, say no. Killing is for grown-ups and you're still a child.” -Anthony Horowitz

“I’ve reached location two,” Sasuke’s voice crackled over their standard issue shinobi communication device.  Kakashi had never really cared for it, the strap around his throat always just on the side of too tight to be comfortable as it pressed the microphone directly against his vocals cords.

“Sakura here, I’m at the third location,” her voice was quiet, barely whispering over his comms as she affirmed her position.

There was a long pause before Naruto’s voice filled the silence.  “I’m at one,” he said quickly, sounding a little out of breath.

“You are slow, Naruto,” Kakashi chided him softly.  He was confused as to how both Sasuke and Sakura were able to check in before the blonde as the first location had been the closest from where they all had started.  “Alright, get ready.” Movement from the bushes pulled a curious sound from him, easily carried over the radio.  “Target has moved, follow it!”

Three blurs raced past him and he was momentarily impressed by their speed.  His students converged by one of the taller maple trees, Sakura and Sasuke at the base while Naruto climbed to the highest branch that could support his weight as he searched for their target.

“I see it,” the blonde whispered, voice low and almost breathless as if to hide the words themselves in the wind.  “It’s just ahead.”

Kakashi observed them from a nearby tree, flaring his chakra ever few seconds to confirm his team’s location.  The first time he had done so nearly a week ago, Naruto had turned wide eyes onto his and then suddenly his face pinched and he started rambling loudly about ramen of all things as if to hide his reaction.  Kakashi let him go on for a rather long moment as both of his other students stared at the blonde with growing confusion, before he sent them off on anther boring mission.

It was certainly interesting intelligence to add to his personal and slowly growing file he had made on his student.  One was not born with chakra sensitivity, they had to learn it.  Kakashi wondered if someone taught the blonde, or if he had taught himself.  He hoped he had had a teacher, learning to sense chakra on your own was an action born out of desperation and fear.

For the past three days Kakashi had fluctuated his chakra at random intervals, sending it out to pinpoint his students and had watched with growing curiosity as Naruto visibly tried not react.  At one point it became less about locating them and more about getting any sort of response from the blonde.

There had been one occasion while they were helping an older lady with her groceries where he had flexed and pushed his chakra at his genin, Naruto in particular, nonstop for several minutes.  It was nearing the third minute when Naruto actually turned back and glared at him, cerulean eyes nearly feral as his own chakra flexed, barely brushing his before retreating.  Kakashi had smiled wickedly at him, but had pulled his chakra back to himself.

Getting Naruto to actually react in a way that he had not planned was quickly becoming one of Kakashi’s favorite pastimes.  He could not help but feel some form of amusement when Naruto forgot himself and acted in a way that was unbecoming for a student.  Sometimes, not often, but sometimes Naruto would say something that was overly familiar in a way that could be construed as inappropriate.  It was nothing lewd or fallacious but it displayed a kind of familiarity that was bordering on comradeship.

It left Kakashi baffled and unsure on how to react.  Part of him wanted to reply with something equally as witty, but by the time he had thought of something to say, Naruto was pulling himself back into his shell and treating his teacher like he was something to be avoided or feared.  It was in complete contradiction to his earlier reaction.

There was a moment, less than a second really, between the jinchuuriki’s comment and his mask sliding back into place where Kakashi felt like he was seeing the _real_ Naruto.  He wanted to draw those moments out until Naruto no longer felt like he had to hide behind the lie he had built of himself.  Kakashi could not help but feel frustration as he thought upon how little of improvement had been made on his own personal mission to gain his student’s trust.  But those moments _were_ getting longer, if only infinitesimally, and that left him with something that sort of felt like hope.

“What’s your distance from the target?” Kakashi questioned, tone just hovering between bored and tired.

“Five meters, I can go at any time,” Naruto replied and the jounin was a little surprised that it had been him and not one of his teammates.  The jinchuuriki was getting quite skilled at talking to Kakashi through Sakura or Sasuke.

Hatake knew that it was Naruto’s last ditch effort in order to not slip in front of him.  He would have found it amusing if it was not so damned annoying.  Sasuke would occasionally humor the blonde but it was Sakura who was enabling him.  Kakashi suspected that she knew something he did not as she would give Naruto this soft look before interacting with their teacher for him.

He tried not to let it show just how much that actually pissed him off.  Kakashi was surprised by his own vehement dislike to the situation and each day it became harder not to glare at Sakura for facilitating or frown at Naruto for forcing her to do it.

Sasuke and Sakura voices floated into his ear, confirming that they were in position, and Kakashi gave them the order to engage.  He could hear Naruto’s battle scream echo through the forest without the need of the radio as they charged into the clearing, flushing the cat out and grabbing it before the hellish creature could find cover.

“Yatta! I have it!” Naruto screamed and Kakashi had to pull the receiver from his ear or risk going deaf.  He waited a long moment before putting it back in, the sound of hissing, screeching, and Sakura’s laughter brought a soft smile to his face.

“Does it have the ribbon in its right ear? Are you sure it’s our target Tora?”

“It’s the target,” Sasuke’s bored tone answered him as the sounds of struggle and cursing continued in the background.  “No mistake.” Kakashi could hear the sigh he wanted to add to the end of the sentence, but his upbringing and Uchiha standing made it beneath him to do so in public.

“Alright, the mission to capture the lost pet ‘Tora’ is complete,” Kakashi sighed, trying to put some pride into his voice but it just came out sounding even more bored.  He had hated doing D-ranked missions growing up and he was realizing that as an adult he had lost none of his hate for them.  “Regroup at my location.”  He did not have to wait long before his students came to a halt beneath his tree.  Kakashi dropped down from above hoping to startle them and was only mildly disappointed when they just shifted to look at him instead.

Sasuke grunted in disinterest before he wondered away from the group, leaning against a tree with his back turned to them.  He did not appear particularly upset but his arms were crossed and his gaze was fixed upon a point in the distance.  Bored and irritated then, Kakashi concluded.  Sakura was smiling brightly up at him, but the tick in her left eye gave away her frustration with the D-ranked missions as well.

Naruto’s face was covered in scratch marks and Tora the evil cat from hell was being held at arm’s length by the scruff of its neck.  A deep chuckle escaped him before he could stop himself and Naruto turned to him so quickly he thought the boy would get whiplash.  He chuckled louder when the pipsqueak gave him a dirty glare that promised pain.

“Good job Sakura-chan, Naruto,” his voice was light with laughter as he leaned forward, hands on his hips and a gentle smile that was visible through the mask. 

Sakura looked up at him, eyes squinting in the way that they do when she was thinking about things that puzzled her.  He could tell it was from her confusion over the way he dropped the endearment at the end of Naruto’s name but not on the rest of his students.

Kakashi smiled at her but did not explain and she was wise enough not to ask.

Naruto’s glare just deepened and he shook the cat gently towards him, either trying to get Kakashi to take it or threatening to throw it at him he was not quite sure.  Raising his hands in a surrender, he straightened and tilted his head towards the animal carrier that Sasuke was standing next to.

Naruto huffed in annoyance but pulled the demon pet back towards him and turned to leave.  Kakashi’s hand on his hair had him freezing in place, nearly dropping the cat with suddenly bloodless fingers.  He moved slowly as the child froze like a deer when faced with a predator.  Naruto was only partially turned from him so he could clearly see that his slack face, now nearly healed, had gone quite pale.

Gently, he let his fingers card through the incredibly soft hair, forcing himself to keep smiling even as Sakura got all tense next to him.  She looked like she wanted to rush in between them and it was then that he knew his suspicions were correct.  Sakura _knew_ something and her halfhearted attempts to hit Naruto that never got close to landing and her willingness to be the buffer between the child and himself suddenly made sense.

He left his hand there for a long moment that seemed to drag into an eternity, watching as Naruto continued to carefully _not_ react and Sakura practically vibrating in place as she forced herself not to interfere.  He appreciated that she did not involve herself and he made a mental note to do something nice for her in the next several days.

“Seriously,” his voice was as soft as he could make it without disappearing altogether.  “I’m proud of you guys.” And he was, their teamwork was slowly improving and even though they were all exasperated to the point of anger at the monotonous of the D-rank missions, not one of them complained.

Eventually he pulled away, letting his fingers trail across Naruto’s scalp and giving a gentle tug on a lock of short blonde hair before he let go and stepped back.  Once he was released, Naruto practically fled across the other side of the clearing, shoving the cat into the crate and engaging Sasuke in an argument that consisted of a lot of name calling.  His mask was firmly back in place and he pretended with such ease that Kakashi’s gentle touch had not just terrified him to the point of paralysis.

“Sensei,” Sakura’s tiny hand was on the exposed skin of his wrist, fingers incredibly warm and soft.  They were not yet the hands of a kunoichi, the callouses nearly nonexistent.  He raised his eyebrow and smiled gently as he turned to face her fully, being careful not to dislodge her hold.

Aside from training, this was the first time they had had physical contact.  As both an older male and her teacher he did not think it appropriate to ruffle her hair like he did the boys, but if she was comfortable enough to touch him than he was not going to discourage her…at least one of his students seemed to trust him.

“Yes, Sakura-chan?” His voice remained soft, though not as it had been when he was touching Naruto.  Her green eyes peered up at him, some internal conflict clouding them and making the skin around her brow wrinkle.

“Don’t,” she started, eyes downcast as she cut herself off.  Her posture was starting to hunch forward in a clear sign of defensiveness.  Kakashi watched her with pride as she visibly seemed to shake herself from the feelings of insecurity before straightening.  Her eyes met his, steely and determined.  “Please,” she began again, voice stronger but still quiet.  “Please don’t touch him.”

Kakashi tilted his head curiously, smile falling slowly from his face.  Sakura turned to look at Naruto who was yelling curses at the apathetic Uchiha.  He followed her gaze, gray eye taking in the way Naruto’s body was too telegraphed, his laughter too forced.

“I think something terrible might have happened to him,” she whispered the words as if saying them louder would give them shape and morph into a physical being that would bring pain.  Her small hand tightened on his wrist, nails biting into his skin before she relaxed, seemingly unaware of the action.  “No,” she turned back to him quickly, eyes fixed on the ground as he pulled her gaze from her wrist to her face.  It was twisted in a way that reminded him of that rainy day by the creek.  “Something…” Sakura took a deep breath, bringing her eyes back up to his.  They had a wet sheen to them.  “Something terrible _did_ happen, didn’t it?”

He felt his gaze drawn back to the two boys, unable to look at her anguished expression, and his mouth moved before his brain could catch up.  “Yes,” because that was the truth, the truth that he _knew_ for certain about the child he found himself caring more for than he thought possible.

Something _terrible_ had happened to him…Kakashi just wished he knew what it was.

Sakura nodded her head slowly, sniffling a little as she wiped unfallen tears from her eyes.  She did not ask what the terrible thing was, nor did she ask if Kakashi even knew what had happened to the boy that she was starting to become friends with.  Kakashi admired her for that.

“That’s why I touch him,” he found himself confessing before he thought better of it.  She brought her attention back up to him, confusion painted in every line of face.  “He needs to be reminded that not everything causes pain.  He shouldn’t…” Kakashi grunted in annoyance, pulling his free hand through his hair in an uncharacteristic sign of frustration.  “He needs to know that not everybody who touches him will hurt him.”

Sakura’s eyes became impossibly wide and bless her heart she _understood_.  Something tight twisted in his chest as he realized that she was starting to mature and grow up.  Part of him was proud, but mostly he was sad that some of her innocence left her with each word spoken.  He forced himself not to sigh, hand fisting behind his back so she would not see his irritation as he commanded his body and mind to be calm.

Her gaze flickered back to the boys, green eyes settling upon Naruto who was now poking at the crate, aggravating the beast inside unnecessarily as Sasuke berated him from his position by the tree.  Her face scrunched in thought and Kakashi tried to fight the temptation that suddenly came over him, though he did not try very hard.  In the end he could not resist raising a single finger and poking the center of her forehead where her brows wrinkled and were creating tension on face far too young for such worries.  “You shouldn’t frown like that, it’ll give you wrinkles.”

She looked at him surprised, eyes wide as she startled.  Raising the hand from his wrist, leaving a sense of cold in its wake, she touched where he had pressed his index finger and after a moment she giggled.  Kakashi smiled at her laughter, the sound more innocent and true than anything else that had happened that day.  When she turned and waved at the boys to get their attention, Kakashi gave into one more temptation and ruffled her hair.

She smiled brightly back up at him, not even bothering to fix the state Kakashi had made of her hair, before darting over to Naruto who was still crouched before the demon creature.  Sakura pulled in close behind him, hand on his shoulder as she tried to see the cat that was swiping through the holes at Naruto’s questing finger.  The boy tensed, flinching beneath her as his blue eyes darted to her face before falling to the ground.  Sakura just smiled gently at him, hand still on his shoulder as she crouched down as well, fingers poking at the box like Naruto’s had done.

Pride swelled within Kakashi and that ache in his chest became a little less as he watched her.  They would need to head back to the Hokage’s office to turn the cat in and get their next mission, but Kakashi decided it could wait for a few more minutes.  Sakura glanced up at him, green eyes bright as she flashed him a conspiratorial grin before she turned back to antagonizing the cat.  She leaned closer to Naruto and after a moment, the blonde joined her in swiping at the tiny clawed paw, a small smile on his face as he relaxed into her touch.

The Hokage could definitely wait.

0~Page_Break~0

The mission assignment office was just as he remembered it.  Cerulean blue eyes took in the old worn table that stretched from one end of the room to the other, the smell of smoke and parchment prominent in the air.  Scrolls covered every available surface, opened and piled into categories based upon difficulty, time of completion, and location.  A series of door-less cupboards lined the far right wall filled to near bursting with even more scrolls of missions that had been assigned and were currently in progress.

A rather nondescript man that Naruto could vaguely recognize from his memories as a child pulled one of the blue scrolls loose and he watched fascinated as the rest seemed to wobble and teeter, but they did not fall.  The man handed it to the Hokage and there he was _-Jiji-_ smoking his pipe and wearing his ridiculous hat.  The old man was gazing at the genin team in what he supposed was amusement, but Naruto could not tell as he kept his gaze riveted to the wall behind him because he knew…he _knew_ that he would break if he looked.

His hands were fisted in his pockets, blood seeping around his nails as they dug into his flesh.  A smile was spread across his face, tight and so forced it hurt, eyes squinting slightly as tears threatened to build.  Muscles trembled beneath his suddenly cold skin as he looked upon his Jiji and Iruka-sensei in the room together.  For a long moment, Naruto simply forgot to _breathe_.

Blood was rushing past his ears, desperate and broken whine building in the back of his throat, heartbeat so loud that it drowned out the happy cries of Madame Shijimi as she dragged her cat out of the room.  A quiet chuffing echoed through his head as Kurama attempted to distract him.  Jiji’s lips were moving but Naruto could not hear him as he was just moments away from a full mental breakdown _-later, not here, don’t you dare-_ and simply remaining standing was becoming a serious problem.

When had his knees become so weak?

Naruto could see Kakashi twitch next to him, head tilting slightly and Naruto knew that his old sensei could smell the blood that was trickling through his fingers.  He waited several long seconds, terrified that Kakashi would draw attention to him, but the man simply shifted, his fingertips brushing against the back of the blonde’s neck in such a deliberately absent manner that Naruto _knew_ was meant to comfort.

Kakashi left his hand there for a moment, a soft pressure that was barely more than a whisper of sensation, and the jinchuuriki felt his stomach clench in an unusually pleasant way as he suddenly found that he could breathe again.  The jounin then shifted his weight to his other leg, appearing bored, but it also had the purpose of pulling him out of Naruto’s space.  Kakashi’s fingers barely skimmed across his skin as he dragged them away, leaving goosebumps in their wake.

He suppressed a shiver at the sensation.

Several long minutes passed as those around him conversed and Naruto just concentrated on breathing, lost in his mind as he forced himself _still_.  “No!” Sakura’s near scream drew him back into the room and away from his thoughts.

“ _What_ did you just say?” Iruka looked scandalized.  He stood from his chair slowly, both hands splayed on the table scattering the scrolls as he leaned forward and glared at the impertinent child.

“I. Said. No!” she drew each word out slowly like the man was mentally incompetent.  Her shoulders drew back and she _glared_ at him.  Naruto bit back the deprecating laugh, a few more years and that look would have men trembling before her wrath, but at the moment it made her look adorable and pouty.  “I _will not_ do another useless D-rank mission!  For the love of everything that is holy, we are ready for something better.” Her hand clenched into a fist as if to punch someone with it.  “I will not waste my time weeding another’s garden or babysitting some brat.  Enough is enough! Give us something worthwhile, damnit!”

The tension in the room was palpable at the young girl’s conviction.  The silence seemed to stretch abnormally long and Naruto could visibly see Sakura losing her confidence as seconds passed into minutes and she folded into herself.  The laughter startled him and Naruto looked up before he could stop himself and the Hokage was laughing and it took everything in his power to tear his eyes away. 

_-Funeral in sunlight. Rain falling from eyes, not clouds. “What do we do now?”_

_White coffin, closed. Flowers on lid, decoration for the dead. Hand on shoulder, sad eye on his, masked face twisted in sorrow. “I suppose the elders will elect a new Hokage.”_

_Scowl, eyes on ground, flower petals in wind. “I miss him…”_

_Soft sigh, pressure on shoulder, gone. “I know.”-_

He could feel the moisture building and he blinked quickly to get his eyes to stop.

“Very well,” Jiji started, straightening the scrolls before him.  Iruka turned to the Hokage in confusion, protest on his lips that died quickly when the older man gave him a quick glance.  Kakashi was standing very still next to Naruto, as if afraid that movement would draw attention to himself.  “You want something worthwhile; I got just the mission for you.  It’s a C-rank, an escort to the Wave Country.” Age old eyes glanced into the corner where Naruto knew the Anbu agent Risu had been standing guard.  “Bring in the client.”

The jinchuuriki looked around in dazed confusion as the door opened and a drunken old man stumbled in.  His heart nearly leapt into his throat as he took in the familiar sight.  Tazuna, the alcoholic bridge builder…how could he have forgotten about Zabuza and Haku?

Naruto remembered the mission to Wave vaguely, the days spent walking and the nights spent sleeping…together.  Oh sweet kami, how was he going to survive without being found out?  Kurama chuffed again, purring deep in his chest to calm his host, but Naruto heard none of it as he imagined the thousands of ways that it could all go so very horribly wrong.

Suddenly the need to tie his henge to an object was no longer a problem for another day.


	8. Aeternabilis

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win.” –Stephen King

The mountains were cast in shadow, pale blue upon brown that obscured the faces carved there, giving them a sharper almost demonic look.  Light shown from the village below as the moon was but a crescent in the sky, casting the early morning into near darkness.  Naruto stood alone at the gates of Konoha, watching with trepidation as the greying night slowly receded into dawn, the sun making its way lazily over the treetops to the east.  The clouds burned in orange for just a moment, a cheery color that reminded him of better days.

Tanned fingers played absent mindedly with the plain leather bracelet strapped to his left wrist, claws catching on the thick material.  It was a rather boring brand of leather, an almost unbecoming faded brown.  Naruto was proud of it either way as he had spent the rest of yesterday and all of the night working on it.

The underside of the bracelet was covered in etched seals, infused with Kurama’s dark chakra, pressing against his skin.  The two tiny cords that tied it together fluttered in the wind before he tucked his hand into his pocket.  Naruto had spent a long while trying to come with some way to attach a henge to an object so he could sleep with the safety of his disguise.  It was Kakashi who had actually come up with the idea.

_-“What are you working on?” Pale fingers over carved wood, exhausted muscles trembled._

_“This…” pause, unsure. How to explain? “It was something your father told me about once. I’m trying to attach a henge to this.”_

_Scoot closer, thighs brush. Yellow hair blowing in wind. “Is it for tomorrow?”_

_Soft laughter, crease by eye. “You’re not supposed to know about tomorrow.”_

_Scoff, press close, shoulders bump. “Yeah, well…is it?” No answer. What to say? “Promise you’ll stay safe…promise you’ll come back, okay?” Soft sigh, no answer. It has to be enough.-_

It took nearly eight hours to recreate what he had briefly seen when Kakashi-senpai had been whittling away at the wood.  Naruto himself was no slouch in the knowledge of seals, but his teacher had been a genius and had been taught under a seal master.  Only his training under Jiraiya had made it possible for the boy to recreate the seals.

The bracelet allowed those who wore it to be placed under a continuous henge for extended undercover operations.  By infusing chakra into the object, the seals would slowly release tiny amounts of it into the wearer’s skin, casting a henge and holding it for as long as there was chakra within to be used.

It was not the best solution as the seals could only hold a finite amount of chakra, but it was enough for nearly twelve hours.  It was enough time for Naruto to sleep, as long as he remembered to refill it throughout the day.  The bracelet was a delicate thing really, the seals far too easy to burn out, the object too easily damaged or removed, and it would never be able to stand against a bloodline like the Uchiha’s or Hyuuga’s, but for now it would have to do.

The largest downside was having to recharge the seals.  Naruto had massive chakra reserves and it had taken the rest of the night to fill the seals without overloading them.  By charging them constantly, it would allow for Naruto to keep the levels consistently high so he would not have to take hours out of every night, but it would be difficult to channel his chakra without Kakashi noticing.  The man seemed to notice everything.

_-“Naruto? What are you doing?” Scream in shock, hurry hide the evidence. Tent flapping in wind, blush high on face._

_“It-it’s not what it looks like…” laughter, loud and deep._

_Shift, sitting on packed ground. Hide deeper under the blanket. “Should I come back maybe later?” Chuckling._

_“Shut it!” Mortified, just pretend it didn’t happen. “I wasn’t doing anything.”_

_Head tilt, nose twitch beneath mask. “You know my olfactory senses are-”_

_“Oh my gods!” Blanket pulled over head. “Please just stop!”_

_Laughing, loud and high and cheerful. Nobody was happy anymore. “I don’t need to give you ‘the talk’ do I?”_

_Groan, hide further under the covers. “Please,” begging. “Just go away.” Laughing, tent flap falling, retreating. Alone.-_

Naruto was exhausted, both mentally and physically.  With how long it had taken to make the tiny thing encircling his wrist he had not had the chance to sleep at all.  If he was being honest with himself, he had not really slept since he had been cruelly thrust back into his past.  Nights consisting of broken sleep covered in monstrous nightmares _-memories-_ had left him terrified to close his eyes.

Lately he had chosen meditation instead of sleep, giving into the urge to climb into Kurama’s fur and falling into a state that was neither fully awake nor completely asleep.  He was unsure why the kyuubi allowed him to _cuddle_ , but Naruto was thankful.  While not fully rested, it allowed the boy to function enough throughout the day that he could pass off as normal.  If each day that passed he was a little less…well, no one was the wiser.

This mission had him on edge since Jiji had assigned it to his team.  His broken memories of the events left him with feeling like his brain was being carved apart with shattered glass as he tried to place where and when and who.  The knowledge about how fragile his disguise was terrified him, the thought of what his team would do, what _Kakashi_ would do if his henge broke.

The most he could hope for would be a quick death.

If his henge failed, Kakashi would have no choice but to assume the worst.  Konoha could not take the chance of the kyuubi escaping, and if they studied his seal they would realize that it was broken, open…nonexistent.  What would they do to him then?  Would Kakashi take him back to the village, or just kill him there on the spot?

His ear twitched as he heard the soft padded footsteps making their way towards him.  The scent of sunshine, nectar, and ocean waves filled his nose.  Sakura was early as well.  She normally was, he remembered.  Being early was what had gotten her killed.

_-Oh gods! He wasn’t going to make it! She dangled there, hands tied, gasping breaths that barely escaped. Can’t breathe! She can’t breathe!_

_“Sakura!” Enemy blocking, have to kill them, kill them first, quick! Their slowing him down, can’t get to her. Have to make it! Blood splattered, fine mist in air, clogging nose and staining skin. There! He was there!_

_Cut her down, quick, get the rope off. “Sakura!” She’s not breathing, oh gods. She’s not breathing! “Come on, Sakura! Breathe, damn you!” Chest compressions, just like she showed. Press, press, press, breathe. Press, press, press, breathe._

_“Don’t you dare…don’t you fucking dare! Breathe!” Press, press, press, breathe. Press, press, press, breathe._

_Can’t see, tears falling from broken eyes. Blood pouring from wounds. Press, press, press, breathe. Light headed. Can’t stop, have to keep going. “Breathe! Damn it! Don’t you fucking do this to me!”_

_Press, press, press, breathe. “I can’t do this without you,” whispers, broken words on empty wind. “Please…just breathe.” Press, press, press, breathe._

_Nothing._

_“Don’t do this to me…” Empty green eyes stare into nothing, broken man holding her tighter, begging, desperate. Unheard, pale skin grows cold.-_

His gut twisted unpleasantly and he turned from the sight of the kunoichi making her way towards him.  Naruto forced himself to take deep calming breaths as her scent carried upon the wind.  He had promised himself that he would not lose her again, but he knew he already _had_.  This Sakura was not the one he fought so hard for, not the one he had helplessly watched strangle to death.  She was not the one he had buried under the willow tree near the camp that she had come to love.

That Sakura was gone _-lost-_ and he would never get her back.  This Sakura would not be what she had become, he refused to let her.  Even if it took everything, even if it took his own death to prevent it, his precious people would be _safe_ …no matter what he had to do or who he had to kill.  Naruto would burn the world into ash, make mountains from the bodies of his enemies and oceans from their blood, he would become the monster that everyone feared if it meant that _they_ got to live.

 _That_ was his nindo.

Sakura trotted up to him, throwing her pack onto the ground next to his as she awaited the rest of their team.  Naruto kept his gaze fixed out of the open gate where the trees lay, tall and green and not burned, but he could feel her green eyes resting on him with that strange look on her face, almost sad.  The other _-dead-_ Sakura used to look at him like that, near the end.  He wondered what they saw to give him such strange looks.

A chuffing of reassurance heard only by the hanyou settled his turbulent mind.  Kurama had been doing that a lot lately, voice warbling in what almost sounded like a cross between a roar and a cough followed by a purr that he could almost feel in his bones.  It was meant to comfort, to distract him from the poison that had settled in his mind.

Before, the kyuubi had never bothered with such trivialities and almost wondered what had changed…but he knew.  Kurama had been an almost friend the last eight or so years, but now he felt like family.  Naruto wished it was because of how much they had seen together, but he knew it was because of his tainted blood.  He was a demon now and that part of him, the monster in him, craved the attention of the bijuu.

Sakura huffed in annoyance as Sasuke and Tazuna arrived but their sensei did not.  Naruto forced his facial muscles to cooperate as a faux smile turned to her.  Sakura smiled back softly, her gaze almost melancholy.  When she turned back to look for the absent teacher, his fake smile twisted into something far more bitter.

0~Page_Break~0

Team seven accompanying Tazuna the bridge builder was set to leave the village of Konohagakure no Sato roughly an hour after dawn…so predictably they left around noon.

Sakura had not been pleased when Kakashi had finally shown up and the guards at the gate just rolled their eyes as they passed.  The old man they were escorting was well into his second bottle and more mellow than Kakashi had thought possible, taking in the jounin’s tardiness with nothing more than a grunt and a flick of his glazed eyes.

Sasuke was leading the group, posture stiff as the others tried to pull him into the conversation.  Every time Naruto threw a question at him or Sakura made a comment he pulled a little further ahead.  Kakashi was unsure if it was because he was antisocial or if the child was afraid to get attached.  It was an understandable fear, one that the copy-nin had on more than one occasion.

Kakashi believed that it may have been more that Sasuke feared to trust.  After all, the person he had trusted most betrayed him, killed his family, and tortured him with tsukuyomi if the rumors were to be believed.  Kakashi had never experienced tsukuyomi himself, but he had seen victims that had.  Many never recovered from the mental strain.

Tazuna was speaking loudly, almost enthusiastically, as he regaled the children with tales of Wave Country.  Sakura and Naruto were on either side of him, listening intently and throwing question after question.  Kakashi pulled his orange Icha Icha book out, appearing relaxed as he brought up the rear.

It would take five days to reach their destination and the weather looked like it would hold up for at least the first few days.  His gray eye darted between his students as Naruto jumped in place and Sasuke muttered something derogatory towards the blonde.  If they were good than he would even consider letting them spend a night at an inn instead of camping.

Kakashi felt his attention pull towards their client, observing the drunkard discreetly from behind his book.  Tazuna walked stiffly, even during conversation.  His glazed eyes would dart around every once and while, occasionally even back towards Kakashi himself as if to be reassured that the jounin was still there.

The man was nervous, far too nervous for a simple escort mission.

Naruto was also tense, fingers twitched and clenching randomly even as he declared it inhumane that the tiny village that was their destination in the Land of Waves did not have ramen.  Kakashi wondered if Naruto was picking up his nervousness from their client or if it was something else entirely.

Something was clearly being hidden from the jounin, but Kakashi could not begin to guess as to what it would be until the group was most likely knee deep into it.  From the way Tazuna was acting he doubted it was anything good.  He had half a mind to call off the mission all together, but they had already accepted and trying to explain that he had a _hunch_ to the Hokage would more than likely sent him to mind healers.

Kakashi would have to wait and see, a tactic that he was far too used to but never enjoyed.  At the first sign of trouble, he would get his kids out of there, mission be damned.  He briefly pondered upon when they became _his_ kids, but he did not dwell upon it.  It was only natural that he would view them in such a possessive way.

He used to laugh at his jounin friends who would parade around their teams, pride thick in their voice as the talked about one thing or another that their kids had accomplished.  Some even carried around photographs like a parent would.  Gai had only told him that he would understand when he was granted his own youthful team.

Though he would never admit it, especially to Gai of all people, he did understand now.  These children were _his_.  He was not there parent, not their guardian, he did not raise them or watch them grow from infancy, but they were his nonetheless.  Kami help whomever got between him and his children.

Kakashi promised to keep them safe, no matter what.  After all, there was nothing more dangerous in this world than a jounin-sensei whose genin were in trouble.

0~Page_Break~0

Naruto climbed into his bedroll with a groan.  His knees were scraped and bruised, stale sweat drying on his skin, and dirt underneath his fingernails.  Less than a foot away, in their shared tent, Sasuke did the same.  They were both exhausted, falling into their bedrolls without even a passing insult as the fire continued to crackle outside.

After they had set up camp, Kakashi had them working on chakra control exercises.  Pretending to have worse control than he really did was more difficult than he thought.  It took a lot of concentration to force his body to forget nearly fifteen years of learnt behavior.

Naruto was unsure how it had even happened.  He had mentioned something to Sakura in an off handed sort of way, not even really paying attention, and the next moment she was shooting one question after the other to their sensei.  Kakashi had seemed more amused than anything, promising to sate her curiosity once they settled for the night.  Naruto should have known that Kakashi’s sadistic streak would come out sooner or later.

Less than an hour later, he had the kids climbing trees with their chakra alone, learning control nearly a week before they had last time.  Tazuna had watched in fascination for several long minutes before he drank himself into a near coma, passing out against a log next to the burning fire.

Only once the sun had fully set and the moon was high in the sky did Kakashi call them for dinner and bed.  Sakura had been too tired to eat, choosing instead to crawl into her own personal tent and getting some extra sleep instead.  Naruto did not even have to fake his own exhaustion as he tucked away his rations and scuttled into his shared tent.

After spending all of the previous night working on the bracelet and all day feeding it, his own chakra levels were already depleted.  When not in conversation, Naruto had racked his brain for any information he could recall about this particular trip.  Kurama was no help in the matter as he had been sleeping the last time.

Sasuke shifted around for a few minutes before settling with a quiet snore.  Naruto lay in his own bedroll, thankful that Kakashi had decided to take the entire watch himself even as he cursed the man for forcing him through the exercises.

His time spent clawing through his fractured memories was not wasted.  Tomorrow they would meet the demon brothers and learn the real reason behind the attack.  In two days they would spend the night at a small fishing village before crossing the small inlet.  Hours after that, Zabuza would attack and Naruto would drag the comatose Kakashi to Tazuna’s house which they would reach on the fifth and following day.

Everything felt like it was happening too fast.

The once Anbu Captain buried his head into his pillow, willing himself to sleep.  He felt so unprepared.  How the hell had he even survived the first time around?  Beside him, Sasuke shifted before settling into a deeper sleep.  Naruto could hear Tazuna’s loud snores over Sakura’s softer deep breathing.

Outside of the thin fabric sat his sensei, tending to the fire and probably still reading that thrice damned book.  Naruto let a broken smile grace his features at the thought.  Somethings never changed.  Even after Konoha was gone _-destroyed-_ and the dead left to rot in the sun because they did not have the time to bury or even burn them; even after their comrades died in the hundreds, elders falling asleep to never again awaken, children crying while covered in their parents blood, Kakashi could be seen with the glaringly orange and always inappropriate book.  And somehow, that was more comforting than anything else.

Naruto frowned softly to himself as the he tried to force the thoughts from his mind.  He tried to block it out, but in his despair and still fragile state of mind he was unable.  Twisting over so he was laying on his back, Naruto prepared himself for another long night.  It seemed he would get no sleep this night either.

Sighing softly, the jinchuuriki allowed himself to be lulled into a slight meditative state from the sounds of popping firewood and turning pages.  When he was before Kurama he crawled between the giant paws to cuddle against the nearly too hot fur against the bijuu’s chest.  The kyuubi purred softly, laying his own head down and closing his eyes.

0~Page_Break~0

The following morning found the group in the same formation as the day before.  Kakashi was still bringing up the rear, giving him ample opportunity to observe those around him and he did not let that go to waste.  Hiding a yawn behind his mask, Kakashi tiredly flipped through the book he knew by heart and watched his companions.

Having taken a large portion of the watch the previous night, he was still relatively tired, but nothing that would impair his performance.  In fact, he looked down right chipper.  Tazuna was his normal grumpy self, probably suffering from a hangover.  The jounin had never seen someone drink as much or as often as the bridge builder.  Still, even with the hangover, he was able to continue his conversation with Sakura as he explained the layout of his village and the history behind it.

Sakura was nodding her head in enthusiasm and asking thorough and in depth questions.  Given a few more years of polishing her subtlety, she would make a formidable intelligence gatherer.  Perhaps if she ever reached jounin she would go into tactics and possibly even interrogation, but Kakashi filed that thought away for later.  It was too soon to tell what field she would find herself in for a long while yet.

Sasuke, still in the lead and looking as bored as ever, was pretending not to listen to the conversation behind him.  He was far more subtle than many his age, but Kakashi could still read the curiosity in his student as he slowed his pace just enough to hear better.  Smothering an amused smile, the jounin wondered how far the Uchiha would go up in the ranks.  Further than Sakura - definitely - possibly even Anbu if he worked hard enough.

Perhaps he would follow in his brother’s footsteps and go into assassination.  His one eye roamed the younger boy’s frame as he took in his build.  He certainly had the arsenal for it, and a body built for speed and silence over strength.  The Uchiha would go far, if his ego did not get in the way.

Kakashi let his eye finally land upon his most confusing student.  Naruto was listening to the bridge builder, appearing to be fascinated by the information that the other held, but the jounin could tell that the kid’s heart was not into it.  The gaki nodded at the right moments and hummed in thought a couple of times, but he was not really paying attention.  His movements looked rehearsed and his interest almost a chore.

The copy-cat nin knew that Naruto would do well in the undercover field, shedding and putting on new identities like one would clothes.  The kid was good at acting, the best he had seen for someone his age.  His career would go far, but Kakashi could not help that think undercover work was the last thing that Naruto _needed_.  The child was damaged and he hoped that with constant contact and support from himself and his team, Naruto would be able to heal some.  If he were to go into a career that encouraged anonymity the boy would one day put on his mask and never take it off again.

Kakashi was surprised at how the thought made his stomach twist in an entirely uncomfortable manner.  Although he had made it a game, getting Naruto to drop his mask even if just for a moment, he knew that it was in the boy’s own wellbeing.  Somebody had damaged Naruto so completely that the child thought hiding from any and everybody was the answer, and Kakashi was determined to if not repair what damage there was then at least fix what he could.  Undercover would ruin whatever progress he made…if he made any.

The jounin found himself frowning as Tazuna stumbled and Naruto darted away.  He tried to make it look like he had stumbled and moved quickly back into position as his blue eyes swept each of his team members to make sure that they did not notice his lapse, settling on Kakashi’s curious grey one.  Naruto narrowed his eyes in what he thought was suspicion before the mask settled more firmly into place and he smiled at his instructor.  The grin was just a little too tight, pulling up into something a more feral before the boy turned back to the front as Sakura laughed at something the bridge builder had said.

The whole incident set Kakashi’s mind more firmly in undercover work being detrimental no matter how good the boy would be at it when two unknown chakra signatures and a puddle upon the road on a cloudless day pulled his attention away.  Curious


	9. Somnium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Stop trying to throw logic at nightmares. Sometimes the monsters are real. Sometimes they’re real and the only way to defeat them is to be the bigger monster.” –Laurell K. Hamilton

__

The noon day sun was shining brightly in the cloudless sky, a gentle breeze dancing among the leaves in the forest, brushing sunshine yellow hair out of a sweaty and dirty face.  Naruto Uzumanki’s sky blue eyes were riveted on the back of his unmarred left hand as if expecting to see something that was not there.  He momentarily pulled his gaze over to the two unconscious men tied to the tree before he once again found himself staring at the back of his hand.  Something should be there…should it not?

Naruto knew his memory was spotty at best, but he did remember the demon brothers…and the back of _a_ hand…his hand?  Perhaps…most likely.  It was supposed to be bleeding, that was what had happened the first time.  He had been injured, _poisoned_?  Why was it so hard to remember?

There was a pool of water, a puddle in the sun after days of no rain.  He _knew_ that his team engaged the demon brothers and then later Zabuza…but the in between was what left his head feeling fuzzy.  The images came disjointed and out of focus, even more so than his memories of a before that had not yet happened.

They burst from the puddle and Naruto was reacting before he could control himself.  He had worked all morning on his look of befuddled surprise while Sasuke slept beside him.  He trained his face to go slack in shock at a moment’s notice and on command.  All of that preparation and training was lost the second those chains went straight for Kakashi.

Logically, Naruto knew that his sensei came out of the fight unharmed since he remembered the man fighting Zabuza later on, but in that moment when the chains burst from the puddle and curved around to wrap Kakashi between their serrated edges Naruto had acted without thought.  The kunai left his fingers, slicing through the air and clattering against both chains before he even realized that he had thrown them…before he could remember to only act surprised.  It was too late now, he thought, as Kakashi stepped out of the way of the follow up attack.

Naruto had grimaced even as he fell back into the manji formation with Sasuke in front and Sakura to the far left.  Kakashi had played with the brothers, goading one and then the other to draw the fight out.  He would even let one ‘slip’ past his defense to engage the genin in order to see how his students handled the situation.  Kakashi was, first and foremost, a teacher after all.

Sasuke was the one that switched to offence when one of the demon brothers got too close, Naruto and Sakura shifting to take up a musubime formation more suited to a two person defense.  Even as Naruto fought to keep himself still, he had cursed himself for his slip.  His reaction had been too quick, too skilled to be anything but a finely-honed reflex to a live combat situation.

His aim could be attributed to long hours of practice, but his response time was another matter and Naruto _knew_ that he would be paying later for that slip up.  After all, Kakashi’s summons were dogs for more reasons than his loyalty and laid back personality.  He was also tenacious, and when a new scent caught his attention, he would follow it so far down the rabbit hole that the poor creature at the end had no chance of escape.  Naruto just hoped that he could come out the other end alive and preferably unharmed.

The hanyou clenched his undamaged fist, nails biting into his palm as he shook off the feeling of discontent.  Even now he could not believe Kakashi would ever truly harm him, did not want too, but he had to remember that this was not _his_ Kakashi.  Just the thought that his senpai, the man who trained and fought and bled with him could ever hurt him left him feeling bitter and jaded and just absolutely disgusted with himself.  But he had not bled with _this_ Kakashi.  Naruto had not fought with him, not trained with him in the way they used to back before everything had gone to shit and Konoha had _burned_.

_-“Is that all you got, chibi?” Harsh pants…so tired, can’t get enough air.  “Again!” Snapped, impatient…_

_“I need-” Breathe, sharp, thick, clean. “Just a moment, Kashi.”_

_Head tilted, hair falling over eye, amused. “I’ll buy you ramen.”_

_“Yatta!” Yelled, excited. Cool air on hot skin, sweat trickling down.  “Let’s do this!”-_

Tazuna’s voice drowned out his thoughts and Naruto finally pulled his attention away from his unmarred hand and back into the present.  The bridge builder was perspiring at an alarming rate, even in this heat, and his voice caught in his throat several times as he nervously explained his situation.  Sakura had a patent worried look plastered on her blotchy skin that made something dangerously close to affection flutter in Naruto’s chest as her expression morphed into one of determination.

Sasuke on the other hand looked on in what Naruto knew to be feigned indifference.  The boy never changed, even when he became a man, a friend…a traitor.  The jinchuuriki fought the grimace wanting to twist his features as he turned away from the Uchiha.  He could not believe that Sasuke was still a sore spot in his heart, even after all this time, even after he had plunged his hand into his best friend’s chest and pulled out his own beating heart.  Even after the organ had shredded in the dying rasengan and-

_No, stop! Stop thinking that, don’t remember-_

But he did, he remembered how the heart had been wet and beating and _warm_ before it was pulverized in his fist and Sasuke had just looked at him, blood thick in his mouth as he coughed a found _dobe_.  His expression had been soft, eyes almost sad as the one hand that had gripped his shoulder went slack and the other slid out from where it was buried in Naruto’s chest.

The tears were hot in his eyes as Naruto bit his lip harshly, turning away to look _anywhere_ else as he shoved his trembling hands into his pockets, rubbing his palm into the fabric as if he could wipe away the phantom sensation of the slick muscle that was still in Sasuke’s chest and not his fist.

Monsters do not cry…they do not get to.

A flash of orange caught his attention and Naruto found himself drawn to Kakashi as the man slipped his Icha Icha into his front pocket, annoyance creasing the corner of his one visible eye as Tazuna rambled on about the misfortune of his small village.  Even though his attention seemed to be fully upon the alcoholic architect, Naruto suspected that he was also being watched just as closely.  His sensei had this way of watching something intently without ever really looking at it.

Naruto had worked alongside Kakashi long enough to know when he was doing his watching without looking technique and right now, Kakashi was watching him.  He was careful to keep his face neutral as he ‘listened’ to Tazuna ramble on, but inside he was mess.  Naruto knew he had screwed up, knew it in the way that Kakashi _watched_ him, knew it in the way that no one had mentioned his ‘rescue’ of their sensei.

A grimace flashed across his face, there and gone so fast that he hoped no one noticed as he realized that Kakashi was most likely waiting until they were alone to mention it.  If that was how the man wanted to play it, then that was fine…but Naruto did not have to make it easy on him.  He would just have to make sure that he was never alone with him.  Eventually something else would come along and distract the former anbu, or perhaps he would just get bored and drop it.

Naruto knew that it was unlikely, but he could always hope.

Tazuna begged, his hurried bow pulling Naruto’s gaze back to him and away from the masked nin.  Kakashi turned to his students, awaiting each of their answers before making a decision.  Sasuke was determined to prove himself, Sakura determined to do the right thing, and Naruto feigned excitement at the chance of an adventure.

His arms came up, ruffling his own ‘blonde’ hair as he bounced in place.  It was getting easier, the pretending.  Some days it was so incredibly hard to plaster on a smile over his broken expression, the muscles pulling awkwardly as he forced himself to remember what a smile was supposed to _feel_ like.  But as the days passed he got used to the pretending, got comfortable with how a smile was supposed to feel like as it slid over his terror, sadness, and apathy.

Sometimes, if he was tired enough, the situation just right, Naruto could almost even trick himself into being happy…almost.

The others started to move, turning to go further down the road and away from Konoha and Naruto stood there for just a moment taking in the view.  Sakura with Tazuna, talking to him softly in a stuttering sympathy that was almost endearing.  Sasuke leading, his back to him as he walked away…always away.  Away from their village, away from his friends, away from Naruto.  But here, in this moment, Sasuke was _here_ , with them.  And that, that was some kind of amazing and terrifying and everything that Naruto could not even begin to imagine.  Because Naruto _knew_ Sasuke, knew him in the way that not even his brother, Itachi, could begin too.

Just the fact that he was here, even for just this moment, was more than anything Naruto could begin to imagine, and he swore to himself that he would not let it end like it had before, in a future that had yet to happen.  Sasuke’s heart would stay in his chest, beating and whole, and Sasuke would stay in Konoha even if Naruto had to chain him to it.

Something that felt suspiciously like both determination and longing twisted inside his own chest as he gazed upon his two teammates, whole and unbroken, alive and content, unscarred and free to choose their own future.  There was a wet heat in his eyes again and Naruto snarled at himself, fists clenched as he fought the burning sentimentality that left an aching hole within him that gaped open to an abyss unfillable.

There was no future like that for him, there could not be if he wanted to save his precious people.  There was only ever one path for a monster like him.  The shadows, unseen and unloved, shrouded in darkness and clearing a path for those more worthy than he, dirtying himself so they did not have too.

Naruto’s skin prickled, goosebumps flushing his arms and making him shiver as it crawled up his spine.  He was being watched again, and he knew exactly who was watching him.  From the corner of his eye he saw Kakashi, standing close enough to touch, and looking directly at him.  Naruto saw him move, saw his arm start to shift and the jinchuuriki darted away to catch up with the others before his sensei could complete the motion.

Whether it was to pull him back for a personal talk or just to ruffle his hair Naruto did not know.  Nor did he want too…both were far too dangerous.

0~Page_Break~0

By the time they reached the small fishing town by the lake it was nearing dusk and Sakura was flushed and huffing in exhaustion, Tezuna appearing much the same beside her.  They both looked in need of a shower, though Naruto would prioritize the bridge builder as the scent that was coming off of the rather rotund man made his nose crinkle and he actually wished that he had a mask like Kakashi’s to filter smell.  The sun had been beating down upon them all day, the sweat making the dirt stick to them as it was kicked up from the well-traveled commerce road.

Dirt had never really bothered Naruto, and Sasuke somehow was able to keep himself mostly clean from such things, as had Kakashi.  He wondered what their trick was but was not curious enough to ask.  The older man and three genin followed their sensei from the lobby and up the rickety stairs, two keys dangling from his fist as he paused at a door to unlock it.

The key had barely turned the lock before Sakura had shoved her way forward, surprising Kakashi enough to slip past him and into the room before anyone had realized she had moved.  Naruto blinked in wonder, having never seen her move that fast even in training.  Kakashi sighed, hand upon the door as he went to push it open even further, but pink hair whirled in the air, throwing her scent _-sunshine, honey nectar, salt water in ocean waves-_ into the stale hallway as she wedged her foot behind the door so it could be opened no further.  A scowl twisted her pink lips as she glared up at her teacher.

“What are you doing?” She asked delicately, tone almost innocent if it were not for the heated edge laced within it.

“Maa, Sakura-chan,” Kakashi sighed heavily, leaning one arm on the doorjamb as he hunched over in that way that he did when he talked to them.  Naruto was unsure if he did it to appear more on their level or just because he could not be bothered to stand straight when talking to those beneath him.  He decided he really did not want to know.  “There were only two rooms available.”

“And?” She drew the question out in a way that was almost musical, one eyebrow quirking upwards, hands crossing over her chest beneath her barely developing breasts.  It made her look more childish, although Naruto suspected she was going for intimidating.

“And…you need to share,” Kakashi supplied, also drawing the word out much longer that the one syllable it was designated.

Sakura huffed at him, face twisting from annoyed into scandalized.  “I think not,” she supplied.  “I am a girl, a _female_ ,” she iterated as if talking to someone mentally deficient.  “And you want _me_ to share with not one, but _two_ pubescent males?”  Her tone was mocking, but her expression was thunderous.

“Maa, Sakura-cha-”

“Absolutely not!” She snapped, cutting him off.

“The boys can share a bed,” Kakashi argued, shoulders slumping as he argued with the child.  Sakura just continued to look resolute and unimpressed.  Sighing, Kakashi changed tactics.  “If you would rather I-”

“Really, sensei?” Naruto found himself cutting in despite his brain telling him just to shut his mouth.  “One might think all kinds of scandalous things with that suggestion.  Unless, you know, you’re into that kind of thing?”

The look of horror that passed over Sakura’s face would have been amusing if Naruto was not so busy trying to hide his sudden scowl.  Kakashi had turned to him slowly, not even bothering to stop Sakura as she made a noise of utter revulsion and slammed the door shut, the lock clicking loudly in the dead silence.  Sasuke’s face was tinting pink and getting more red by the second while Tazuna was slumped against the wall nearly passed out.

Naruto could not read the expression on Kakashi’s face, but he knew it was not good.  He grimaced, eyes darting away and to the floor as his brain finally caught up to the implication.  Accusing a jounin sensei of what could only be taken as unwanted attraction to their genin student was probably one of the worst things that Naruto could have suggested.

When they had all been older they had teased each other about it, a would you rather or fuck-kill-marry, but here…now, when they were all so young.  Naruto grimaced again, apology already on his lips but a weight on his head halted the words.  He glanced up quickly, startled into silence as Kakashi gazed at him in amusement, the _look_ from earlier gone as he carded his fingerless gloved hand through Naruto’s blonde hair.

“Maa, Naruto,” there was no added honorific and Naruto found himself more relieved by its absence than he thought possible.  “If _I_ did not know any better, I would think you were jealous.” Kakashi teased him lightly, his forefinger and thumb catching a lock, giving it a quick tug before he moved to haul Tazuna back to his feet and to the room that the four of them were to share.

That feeling was back in his chest, that deep aching longing of something he could not have.  Because he remembered that, remembered the gentle teasing and fond touches that he had shared with his friends and his team, but mostly he had shared them with Kakashi.  And for just a second, that moment between the spaces in a heartbeat, Naruto was back _there_ again, in camp with _his_ Kakashi and smiling as the man gently teased him in fond affection.

He forced his mind away, biting his lip to feel the sting of pain as he pulled himself from those memories.  That feeling was dangerous, Naruto knew…and monsters never get that kind of happy ending.  Wanting it was what twisted them into something dark and horrible like Orochimaru and Madara.  Naruto _could not_ want it, because wanting it made him easy to manipulate and twist.

But he did not know how to force himself to not want it.

It was not until Naruto shuffled behind Sasuke and followed did he realize he had not flinched at the touch of the older man.  A frown pulled at his lips, the mask slipping as he closed the door behind him, throwing his pack to the ground next to the others, as he wondered what exactly that meant.

Could he be getting used to touch again?  Was the stain of Madara finally starting to be cleansed from his soul?  Could it ever be…truly?

Naruto glanced up, the crescent moon illuminating the room in a pale glow as none of them had bothered to turn on the light.  Sasuke pressed by him to get to the bathroom, and Naruto shifted immediately out of his way so they did not touch, and yet the thought of accidental contact did not send his mind spiraling into a broken hole of shattered despair.

He contemplated the new development, even as Tazuna passed out unwashed upon the bed nearest to the window, bottle of sake in one hand and his crotch in the other from where he had been scratching himself.  Naruto’s nose crinkled in disgust, darting into the bathroom for a quick shower and change after Sasuke had vacated it, before he rolled his sleeping bag out between the other bed and bathroom, an answer to his realization still not forthcoming.

They settled rather quickly, Sasuke taking the position next to the window even as Kakashi crawled under the sheets of the second bed.  Naruto hoped that his position would give him some cushion if they were attacked, a few precious seconds for him to be reminded how he _should_ react and not how he always did.  And the vicinity to the bathroom gave him an opportunity to get up if he had trouble sleeping again.

It had been nearly three nights and still sleep was illusive.  The exhaustion was starting to wear on him and he feared that soon even his henge would not be able to hide it.  Sasuke shifted onto his side, slipping quickly into sleep even though Tazuna was snoring loud enough to keep their neighbors up.  Sakura could probably even hear it from down the hall.  Hazy blue eyes blinked slowly before sliding shut, body falling lax as he curled into a fetal position facing the bed, back to the closed and empty bathroom.  He was almost asleep, the edges of darkness just starting to snare his mind before the gleeful face of Uchiha Madara flashed behind his eyelids.

His eyes snapped open, chest tight as he forced his breathing to steady and not make the ragged harsh sound that his lungs wanted to do after such dreams.  The side of the bed was dark, navy blue comforter blocking the base board.  Naruto tried to count the stitches as his breathing finally started to even out.

Kakashi’s own breath was deep and steady, the sound of one in a light sleep, but Naruto could not be sure if his sensei was in a deep enough sleep for him to get away with a midnight stroll.  Even if he was, Naruto doubted he could get away with it.  Kakashi was always easy to wake, except for when he was at home or in familiar territory.  Even then, it would never take more than a word to rouse him.  He slept like all shinobi, resting but aware.

Sighing in exhaustion, Naruto shifted slightly to escape the pull of sleep as it tried to ensnare his mind again, too afraid of the nightmares to allow himself to fall into their trap.  If he was at his apartment, he would scrawl a few privacy wards into paper and be done with it, scream himself hoarse and struggle with his blankets as his mind was jerked from one nightmarish memory to another, his dreamscape twisting them into something even more horrifying.  But he was not home, and here…he could not let that happen.

Naruto’s eyes became unfocused as his fingers rubbed the fabric of the comforter between them without his permission.  It was difficult, sleeping like this…he could almost pretend that he had never traveled through time.  Instead it was just his sensei and himself, resting in their shared tent after a long mission and day of fighting.  It was almost normal to the point that it hurt.  He wished for those days again, before Kakashi had been killed.

Naruto wondered briefly what would have happed if he had ever gained the courage to tell his senpai his feelings.  Were they shared…did it matter?  Closing his eyes, he rubbed a hand down his face in annoyance.  He was being stupid, even if Kakashi had returned his feelings it did not matter anymore.  His Kakashi was long dead, and this Kakashi…well, Naruto did not know what to even think about this Kakashi.  He was different, that was certain.

A tear threatened to escape as his chest constricted painfully.  He took a deep shuddering breath before he pushed away the thoughts and squashed the urge to cry.  Crying never helped anybody and it certainly had never helped him.  Monsters do not get to cry, not when they let everyone around them die.

Kurama chuffed at him several times, the kyuubi sounded just as tired as he as it rumbled a deep growl that would have sounded like a purr except that bijuu do not purr.  Naruto mentally chuffed back in reassurance, vaguely aware that he should not even know how to do that let alone know what it meant…but he was far too tired to deal with another one of his own oddities.

Naruto tensed suddenly, body ready to spring into action as Kakashi shifted above him, arm falling from the side of the bed.  He would have thought it was an accident of one asleep, except seconds later the fingers were buried in his hair once more and Naruto felt his breath cease as his whole body froze.  Fingertips carded through his locks, nails scraping his scalp as Kakashi drew them back before the process repeated.

He was not sleeping, Naruto knew this, knew that Kakashi was awake and aware, and for some reason he was stroking the jinchuuriki’s hair like one would pet a dog and Naruto did not know _why_.  Blue eyes darted up, head tilting to look at the mattress, but only Kakashi’s arm was visible.  Another tilt, thumb pressing into the soft spot behind his hidden ears and nose flooding with the scent of dogs and rain, lightning and cinnamon, and Naruto felt himself go boneless.  Not even his confusion could stop his breath evening out into a steady long draw, eyes fluttering closed as the tendrils of sleep finally pulled him under.

For the first night since he had traveled through time, since Sakura and Ino and Kakashi had died, since Konaha _burned_ …Naruto slept and did not dream at all.


	10. Fiducia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “The justifications of men who kill should always be heard with skepticism, said the monster.” -Partrick Ness

They were slow to leave the inn, feet dragging and muttered complaints under sleep heavy voices as they packed away their things while munching on breakfast bars.  Kakashi was up at dawn, his tardiness and general lazy attitude never present in a mission, and proceeded to try to rally the others into order to leave as quickly as possible.

The delays were…numerous.

Tazuna took nearly an hour to reach a level of consciousness where he could function as at least a semi-awake human being.  Naruto and Sasuke got into an argument that led to a competition on whom could pack their bags faster which meant that they quickly had to unpack and do it over again as the messy state of their things left little room to actually pack anything at all.

Kakashi was unsure who won that little battle, but if he had to guess by Sasuke’s smug look and Naruto’s pouting one he would bet on the Uchiha.  A genuine smile started to pull his lips up from behind his mask as he watched the two.  Naruto, though exaggerating all of his interactions, appeared to actually be in a playful mood.  Kakashi was not convinced it was all faked either.

Once he had gotten their room into order, the boys into behaving, and Tazuna into consciousness, they went to collect their last teammate.  Sakura was, of course, taking _another_ shower and had not packed any of her things at all as she needed quite a lot in order to get ready.  Some of things she used looked remarkably similar to some of the torture devices he had seen laying around the Torture and Interrogation Department.

Kakashi thought he was better off not knowing what they were used for and left her to it.

By the time Sakura was finally presentable enough to leave her room it was lunch time.  Having been outvoted, they stuck around the village for a meal, one in which he had ended up paying for -he still was not sure how that had happened- and then they were finally on their way once more.

Even with all the delays, the arguments and bickering, the chill in the air, and Tazuna’s drunken ramblings, Kakashi found himself in a generally good mood.  Sakura was up front with Sasuke talking…actually talking, like two people holding a conversation.  If he strained his ears he could hear the sullen boy making taijutsu corrections to Sakura’s faulty techniques and the girl was countering with suggestions on how he could improve his chakra control.

They were beginning to act like an actual team and it made something in his chest swell with pride and affection for his genin.  The younger girl was finally over the hurt feelings that Sasuke had induced nearly a month ago on that rainy day.  Her schoolgirl crush had been stamped out, but the bitterness that had followed it had stuck around for a long while.  It was good to see them finally getting over the animosity it had left behind.

Tazuna was near the middle of the group, a bottle of sake -so fragrant that Kakashi could smell it even through his mask- in his loose fingers as he trudged along.  Naruto was lagging behind him, trailing somewhere in between the two adults, close enough for conversation but far enough away that it was clear he did not actually want to engage in such.  Kakashi would have been worried, but the boy seemed content for once, so the jounin let him be.

Last night had been…interesting.

He was not sure what had led up to his actions, but Naruto had been unusually pensive that night and Kakashi found he could not help himself.  Did not want to, if he was being honest.  After the initial shock at the suggestion of untoward affection towards Sakura-chan, Kakashi had realized that Naruto had been _teasing_ him.

It was another one of those moments where the boy seemed to forget himself and a far too familiar tone would slip out with affectionate words, but this was the first-time Naruto had actually teased his sensei.  It was also the first time that Naruto had given Kakashi enough time to tease back.  The look on his face had been one that Kakashi knew he would cherish for a long while…just like the feel of his hair as Naruto relaxed beneath his hand.

His fingers still tingled from the sensation.  The boy had slept through the whole night, neither tossing or turning, breathing deep and calm as he got actual sleep.  Kakashi was actually starting to get worried.  The first two nights camping with rotating guard duty revealed quite a lot about his youngest student.

The boy did not sleep…at all.

Resting would be too much of an exaggeration for what the jinchuuriki did.  Meditating was closer.  When he was not on watch, Naruto laid in his sleeping roll and _pretended_ to be asleep, but Kakashi could tell he was not truly.

It was a combination of things that gave him away.  Breathing pattern of one fully asleep was different then when one was just resting, eyes closed but not pulled under.  His lack of movement was another.  People moved when they slept, small twitches and slight shuffling, but Naruto laid there like he was dead, so still that when he had woken Sasuke for his shift he had panicked for half a heartbeat before he heard Naruto’s soft breaths.

What truly gave him away though was his scent.  People just _smelled_ different when they were asleep, heavy somehow, though if pressed to explain it, Kakashi very much doubted he would be able to find the words.  Last night was the first-time Naruto had that sleep smell on him.

From what he had observed, the boy desperately needed it.  He was not sure how long Naruto had been going without sleep, but even with his pretending and over exaggerated excitement, Kakashi could tell that he had been tired…a bone deep type of weary that one would normally see from a shinobi on an extended mission.  He also knew that he had not been the only one to notice as well.

Sakura had come down to the lobby freshly washed and perfectly presentable, a skip in her step and smile on her face.  She greeted everyone cheerfully, ignoring their grumblings of how much time had been wasted waiting on her, and being genuinely happy.  Her green eyes had slid over to the blonde, a curious look crossing her features, and then a tightness that Kakashi was ashamed to say he had not noticed before, released from her shoulders and she just seemed so much more at ease.

It was there, in that lobby of the little inn in the fishing village so tiny that did not have a name where Kakashi swore that he would do more.  Whether it was just being more observant, or being there to help someone sleep…even being quick enough to throw in a little teasing wit at Naruto’s unintentional snark, he would do more.

Something caught his attention and Kakashi pulled his focus back into the moment, tucking his book -he had not actually been reading- away into his pocket as his one grey eye swept the area.  It slid from one side to the other, landing on each of his genin before he realized it was Naruto that had pulled him from his thoughts.  At first, Kakashi did not know what it was that had drawn him so, but there was _something_ off about the boy…something in the way he was moving perhaps.

Quickening his strides, Kakashi closed the space between them in a non-obvious but quick manner.  Once abreast with the boy, he slowed his pace to fall in step with the blonde, but Naruto did not even seem to notice that he was there.

“Are you alright?” Kakashi asked softly, pitching his voice low to not draw attention from the rest of the group.  Naruto started next to him, jerking suddenly as his head whipped around to look at him and the boy stumbled.  Darting a hand out, Kakashi wrapped his fingers around the boy’s bicep, feeling the coarse orange material of the jacked on his fingertips as he pulled Naruto upright.

Naruto steadied himself and froze at the restricting touch, feet stuttering to a halt, but Kakashi did not let him.  The hand released his bicep, darting up and around so quickly that Naruto had no way to avoid it as Kakashi grabbed him where the shoulder met the neck and pulled him forward.  He wanted to go unnoticed by the rest of the group, and stopping would only draw attention to them.

The boy startled beneath him, but kept moving.  One of his steps slid to the side as he tried to put distance between them, but Kakashi let his fingers trail to the nape of his neck, cupping it in his hand as he squeezed sharply in warning.  The jounin had not intended to do that, had not meant to grab his student in such a way, but his sudden frustration at Naruto’s attempted evasion made him react without thinking.

Some days he just wanted to grab him by the shoulders and shake some sense into the boy until he understood that Kakashi only wanted to help, but he always held himself back, afraid that he would scare him.  And Kakashi fully expected for Naruto to throw himself from his hold, not that it was much of one anymore, but to his complete and utter surprise, the boy just settled next to him.  And he continued to stay there, shoulders relaxed and posture loose as Kakashi drew his hand up to ruffle the blonde hair in apology before letting it fall to his side.

They walked in silence for a while longer, Kakashi letting his eye sweep the group but no one seemed to have noticed their bizarre interaction.  With every step, Naruto seemed to relax more at his side and Kakashi felt something in his chest release at the sight, but that brought him back to why he had approached the genin in the first place.

“What’s wrong?” He asked after a long moment, fingers twitching for his Icha Icha but he resisted the urge to pull it out.  Naruto was silent next to him, blue eyes darting up to him before fixing back to the road.  After a long pause, one small shoulder rose and fell in what could only halfheartedly be called a shrug.  “Naruto,” Kakashi sighed the word, exasperation coloring his tone without his permission.  The blonde flinched next to him, and then Kakashi had a different urge, fingers twitching for a different reason.  To come back up and ruffle his hair…or grab him by the nape again he did not know, so he forced himself to do neither.

“It’s just-” Naruto cut himself off, voice so quiet the wind could carry it away.  Kakashi made a vague gesture with his hand to prompt him to continue.  The jinchuuriki shifted awkwardly next to him, and Kakashi was surprised when Naruto actually leaned _closer_.  “I feel like we’re being watched,” he whispered and Kakashi felt his spine tingle as goose bumps raced up his arms.

“Have you seen anything?” Kakashi asked him just as quietly, trepidation making his heart begin to race.  Perhaps it was simply Kakashi himself that Naruto had felt watching him, but he did not think that so.

“No,” Naruto murmured back, fingers coming up to play with the leather bracelet on his wrist.  “It’s just a feeling.”

Kakashi hummed quietly to himself, one hand reaching up to pull out the orange book while the other shifted his hitai-ate inconspicuously.  Naruto glanced up curiously, the newly uncovered eye cracking open to glance around and Kakashi noticed that Naruto was not surprised at all to see the red eye with the three tomoe twirling within.  After one quick glance at it, Naruto was back to gazing at the road disinterested, and Kakashi felt a little miffed at that.

With Naruto on his left, it was easy to let his sharingan slide to look at the boy.  He looked no different with his transplanted eye than it did his normal one.  Naruto shifted uncomfortably next to him, aware of the scrutiny but unwilling to voice it as his fingers twirled the bracelet around and around his pale thin wrist.  The movement drew the sharingan down and Kakashi’s eyes narrowed on the small object.

_That looks like…but it couldn’t be._

He felt the air displace behind him, the drawn swish as something cut through the slight breeze and Kakashi was turning even as he yelled for everyone to get down.  Seizing the orange jacket in his fist, he pulled Naruto under him as he ducked beneath the giant blade, pressing himself flat upon the boy.  The body beneath his was warm and faintly trembling, but Kakashi could scent little fear and he knew that it was more than likely adrenaline that made the Naruto’s muscles twitch.

One hand was pressed to the ground, propping his upper torso up while the other held tightly the genin.  His eyes darted to the rest of the group, unharmed and prone on the ground like he, even as his hand twisted in Naruto’s jacket, forcing the struggling boy further beneath him.  Naruto was trying to wiggle out from underneath, and something in Kakashi twisted darkly, a primal part of his brain snarled lowly at the thought, and he growled at the boy to be still.  And Naruto did, much to his surprise.

He had no time to think about it though, as the next second a bandaged covered man stood on the sword that had been embedded half a foot in a thick tree trunk.  In that moment Kakashi knew that this was definitely no longer a C-rank mission.

0~Page_Break~0

Naruto lay gasping on the edge of the lake, still half in the water.  He could feel the dying waves licking up over his back as the water began to settle once more now that the last of the A-class jutsus had died off.  He felt half drowned as he lay there, panting for breath and coughing water out of his lungs as he shook his head to get the fluid out of his ears.  Fingers gripping fistfuls of sand, he forced himself into a kneeling position, pulling his tired legs under him as his arms shook from his own weight.

His eyes were drawn to his wrist and he sighed in relief when he saw the bracelet still there, still in place, still steadily feeding his henge chakra.  Though he doubted Kakashi would be able to do much of anything even if the henge _had_ slipped.  Gaze drawn to his sensei, he could see exhausted form of the man leaning down to help Sakura to her feet.  He had overused the sharingan, again…just like he always did when he had to finish a fight quickly while protecting those who could barely protect themselves.

Scowling, Naruto drew himself to his feet and he swayed slightly before he began to walk over.  He hated that he was now one of the ones that Kakashi needed to go to such lengths to keep safe, but there was no helping it.  This body of his was just too weak, his brain was constantly getting in the way, telling his limbs that they had longer reach, convinced he had muscle memory when he barely had muscle at all.  He would need to up his training, this fight with Zabuza just reiterated that fact.

Naruto could not remember exactly how that fight had gone before, but he remembered the water prison and the henge that Sasuke had thrown like a weapon.  So, Naruto had used his disjointed memories of the original fight along with other memories of many other fights and somehow, they won…again.  Though Naruto was certain that it had not been entirely in the same fashion.

Zabuza had used water clones, his killing intent filling the small area and freezing his teammates with fear, but it just seemed to enrage Naruto.  He snarled at the man…or perhaps the clone of the man, throwing himself in front of his team and getting under Kakashi’s foot on more than one occasion, but Sakura and Sasuke had snapped out of it and had even taken down their own water clone together as Naruto dispatched his second.

Then the Demon of the Mist trapped Kakashi-sensei in the water prison and Sasuke had thrown the overly large stars, along with Naruto who was under a henge on top of the one he was already wearing -the fine control for that left him exhausted- and then Kakashi was free.  And for half a second, as Naruto shouted obscenities at the missing nin, he had forgotten that he was not actually supposed to have enough chakra control to walk and water and Naruto had _landed_ on the lake before he remembered and then plummeted into its dark depths.

Kakashi had seen that precious second though, when Naruto had stood atop the water just like Zabuza and himself, and the blonde fought not to panic.  Seconds later he was fighting not to drown.  One of Kakashi’s jutsus grabbed him as he was forced under again, and the next thing he knew he was on the lake edge, gasping for breath and it was over.

The mist was beginning to disappear as Naruto finally joined the group, watching as Kakashi took a few hesitant steps after the hunter-nin that collected Zabuza’s body, legs trembling and hands clenched before he turned back to the team.  His sharingan flashed over each of them, checking them for injuries, and Naruto fought not to flinch or duck or…anything really as the three tomoe spun and trapped his gaze.  But it was over before Naruto could even blink and then Kakashi was collapsing in the sand and Sakura was shrieking next to him.

The mismatched gaze was looking up into the trees in confusion as if trying to process how the scenery had changed so fast and Naruto darted forwards before he could think about it.  His fingers closed over his teacher’s hitai-ate, pulling at it until it covered the sharingan and trying not to flinch as the grey eye slid over to him in confusion. 

“Kakashi-sensei!” Sakura shouted, falling into the sand next to him as the eye finally closed and their teacher passed out.  Her hands fluttered over him as if to check for injuries but doing nothing more than trailing from one part of his body to the next without cataloguing anything.

“He’s fine, Sakura-chan,” Naruto told her softly, brushing her fluttering hands aside in order to unzip their teacher’s flak jacket.  “Look for any blood,” he instructed as he reached for his own bag to find bandages if they needed any.  When he turned back, Sakura was more calm, her fingers no longer hovering but pressing into Kakashi’s cold skin as her other hand yanked his shirt out of the way.

There was a determined tilt to her lips as she worked, and it was so much like _his_ Sakura that he paused for a moment, mind reeling as the world seemed to tilt with vertigo before it righted itself again and instead he saw a young girl trying to help in any way she can and not a hard woman that was determined but had lost reason to hope long ago.  With Sasuke’s help they were able to wiggle Kakashi-sensei out of his vest and bandage the few wounds that they found. The two on his chest were superficial, bleeding sluggishly and not deep enough to even scar.  The wound on his thigh though was another deal altogether.

“I don’t think it’s fatal,” Sakura declared after she used a kunai to cut a larger hole over the one already in the pants to get a better view.  Naruto confirmed with his own eyes as Sakura ordered Sasuke to bring her more bandages.  She was right of course.  The wound was deep but it was nowhere near any major artery, and while it would pain him, Naruto was fairly certain that it would heal quickly and with no complications as long as they could keep it clean.

Sakura frowned as she wrapped it, cajoling Sasuke to keep the leg still from where he was propping it up.  “This will have to do,” she said softly, wiping her brow with the back of her hand and smearing blood across her forehead.  “I would like to sew it shut, but not until we can clean it out properly.”

She sounded so much like a proper medical-nin that Naruto had to blink again in order to see _her_.

“Where did you learn this?” Sasuke questioned her quietly as the worked out the logistics of carrying someone much larger than the three children.

“It was Naruto actually,” Sakura smiled softly, helping the boys position Kakashi on the makeshift stretcher made from tree branches and ninja wire.  “He mentioned Tsunade-hime of the Sannin to me one day and I was so curious I looked her up.  One book led to another and the next thing you know, I’ve got three medical books in my room that I read before bed.” She frowned again, her pink lips turning down and her eyes crinkled in frustration.  “I should have brought them…”

“You couldn’t have known,” Naruto said, trying to comfort and falling short as he lifted one end of the stretcher while Sasuke crouched to grab the other.

Her steely green gaze flashed to him in a glare, eyes hot with tears.  “We are on a mission, Naruto.  I should have.  How many times have we heard about a simple mission that went sideways because of one reason or the other…I didn’t think.” Her voice was sharp and self-deprecating.  “I almost grabbed them.  They were right there…but I couldn’t pack the books _and_ my beauty products,” she laughed softly, the usually joyous sound was nearly hysterical and cutting.  “I made the wrong choice.”

They walked in silence for a long while, the sun beginning to set behind the mountains in the distance.  Still they walked, even as the road became harder to see and the shadows from the forest stretched to darken ground.

“Well,” Sasuke said after a while as Tazuna led them on.  “Next time you’ll make the right choice.”

They walked through the night, stopping neither for rest or food.  Desperation and fear kept them moving.  Twice they had been attacked, twice they had won…but Kakashi was unconscious, chakra depletion so bad that Naruto knew he would not wake for several days.  They _could not_ be attacked a third time, the fear that they would not survive it kept them moving.

_-“We need to go faster Naruto,” mumble, slurred._

_“Easy for you to say, senpai,” panting, exhausted, aggravated.  “I’m the one hauling your fat ass through the fucking jungle.”_

_Laughter, coughing, amusement.  “Watch your mouth, chibi.  And you’re not the one bleeding all over the fucking forest.”  Shouting, their getting closer.  Faster, can’t stop.-_

The sun was barely passed dawn when they reached the outskirts of the village and Naruto felt his trembling limbs sigh in relief as they set the stretcher down in front of a tiny two story house.  He was too tired than to do more than twitch when the door was thrown open and a woman screamed in happiness, throwing herself down the steps and into Tazuna’s arms.

“Thank you,” she said after a moment, pulling herself from her father to bow to them.  Sasuke shifted uneasily next to them and Sakura smiled brightly at the boys before she stepped forward herself to deal with any formalities.  “Thank you for saving my father and bringing him home safe.”

Introductions were a long affair, Tsunami turning what should have been a short exchanging of names into a formal appreciation with a lot of bowing and every sentence punctuated by another offering of thanks.  Naruto was nearly asleep on his feet before they were finally invited inside.

Groaning with the effort it took to lift Kakashi from the stretcher and carry him into the house, Naruto was nearly at the end of what his body could handle.  Tsunami led them to the back of the house, up a flight of stairs that left Naruto’s thighs trembling, and down another hallway before opening a door and bowing them inside.  After they got a place set for Kakashi-sensei, she bowed some more as she left the room and Sakura was left giggling at the ridiculousness of it all.

“She certainly does love her formalities,” Sakura commented softly as Naruto and Sasuke started to pull off the rest of Kakashi’s travel stained and bloodied clothes.  The Uchiha just grunted in annoyance as Sakura left to get disinfectant and something to sew the leg wound up with.

Naruto was pulling off Kakashi’s gloves when fingers started to reach for his mask and before he knew exactly what he was doing, Naruto had slapped the back of the other boy’s hand with the gloves that were now in his.  Sasuke grunted in surprise, dark eyes darting to his.  “Leave it,” Naruto murmured softly even as the gaze turned to a glare.

“Aren’t you curious?” Sasuke finally asked after a long moment of staring.

“No,” Naruto answered honestly, moving to the shirt and pulling it over Kakashi’s head as he made sure the mask stayed in place.

“Curious about what?” Sakura questioned as she entered the room, arms ladened full of supplies as she pushed the door shut with her foot.

“Kakashi-sensei’s mask,” Sasuke replied, gaze still fixed on Naruto’s.  “He’d never know, dobe.”

Naruto hissed in frustration as he finally got the last arm out of the skin-tight shirt and threw it into the pile of dirty clothes that was growing.  “It doesn’t matter.  He wears a mask for a _reason_.” He fought to keep his eyes on Sasuke and not the impressively defined chest that now lay bare.  “I would know, you would know, but he wouldn’t.  It isn’t right.  Everyone has their secrets.”

Sakura kneeled down next to them, carefully setting out the supplies as she shoved Sasuke lightly aside in order to get to Kakashi’s leg.  “He’s right,” she said after a minute and Naruto turned his glare to her before she continued and he realized that she was siding with him and not her once schoolgirl crush.  “It isn’t right…now sterilize this needle while Sasuke gets me some boiling water.”  And just like that the conversation was done.

Sasuke grunted in annoyance even as he did as he was told.  Naruto felt a small smile cross his lips, genuine and real, as he watched her work.  It helped ease some of the discomfort in his own chest as he watched her tend to their teacher.  A maddening part of his brain had been whispering dark possibilities when he watched Kakashi and Zabuza fighting.  He worried he had changed too much, or not enough, and that the outcome would be different…worse.

When his mind drew to what happed before the fight though, his cheeks went red with embarrassment.  He did not know how he felt about it -either instance- both when Kakashi grabbed him by the back of the neck and when the man pulled Naruto beneath him.  He was purposefully _not_ thinking about the night before when Kakashi’s soothing motions had eased him into sleep…though his reaction to the other two events left him just a puzzled and disturbed.

Kakashi’s fingers had tightened on his nape as a warning or rebuke he did not know…but Naruto had just settled meekly next to him after, like a chastised kit who had wondered away from their parent.  He felt his cheeks go hot with the thought of it.  But the one thing that truly disturbed him was Kakashi’s growl…or more accurately, Naruto’s _reaction_ to Kakashi’s growl.

He had been under the older man, a position he had actually been fairly used to as it had happened on more than one occasion when Kakashi had to pull him out of harms way during one mission or another.  But when he had tried to shuffle his way from beneath the man Kakashi had _growled_ at him.  Honest to gods growled.

Sakura was deeply focused on her work, Sasuke had yet to return, and Naruto had never been more thankful as just the thought of it turned his cheeks red with mortification.

Kakashi growling was not a new thing, Naruto had heard it hundreds of times before.  But Kakashi growling at _him_ …that was new.  And Naruto…he just…he _obeyed_.  Just like that, without prompt or words or enforcement.  Kakashi had tightened his grip and growled, and Naruto…

Something had clenched low in his stomach at the animalistic sound and Naruto had had the sudden urge to lower his ears back, press his nose into the underside of Kakashi’s jaw in a supplicatory manner, and _whimper_.  Thank gods they were in danger and Kakashi was immediately engaged in a fight because Naruto was not sure that he would have had the willpower to stop himself if Kakashi had remained atop of him for a moment longer.

He got the distinct impression that Kurama was entirely amused by his reaction.  Naruto made a note to talk to the beast later that night…his reactions were worrisome and definitely not on the side of normal.  Hopefully the fox was not feeling coy, because then Naruto knew he would just be on the receiving end of joke that he was not privy to.

Footsteps could be heard approaching the room and Naruto fought down the blush still present in his cheeks as Sasuke returned.  From the quirked eyebrow sent his way, he did not think he was very successful.

Gods just take him now.


End file.
